Text or call...does it really matter??

Kelly and I used to live in the same city. She moved nearly two years ago and now, when she visits for work, we always fiercely protect one evening just for the two of us -foodies at heart - to try the newest restaurant and, of course, catch up… So, when Nick approached us at the bar of my local neighborhood pub, Kelly and I were completely engrossed in a post-dinner conversation and could not have been more disinterested in meeting anyone. When he introduced himself, I even gave him my faux “bar name”. However, Nick was persistent…asking what the unique beverage was that we were drinking (a nightcap of Frangelico), where we were from and sharing that he was meeting his college-aged sister for cocktails and catch up. His sister soon arrived and he excused himself. Flash forward an hour and he was back at the bar, paying his bill and making small talk with us while he waited. As he apologized for interrupting us, acknowledging that it looked as if we were engaged in a serious discussion, I think we both began to realize he was quite attractive, charming and actually seemed to be a sincerely nice person. As he gave us each his business card, explaining he was new in the neighborhood and would love to meet up for drinks sometime, I fessed up, admitting my real name and apologizing for the lie. He simply laughed it off as his sister joined him at the bar and he politely introduced her before bidding us farewell.

I emailed him a few days later apologizing again for the faux name. He then used the phone number provided in my automatic signature to call me and ask me to meet him for drinks. Now, as many single women can attest, the mere ability (and choice, mind you) to use a telephone number to call, rather than to simply text message someone, is often a near-instant cause for rejoice and celebration! He was IN! There was absolutely no way I would miss going out with this seemingly all-too-rare man that not only was attentive enough to notice the phone number but also used it… to CALL - a rare gem indeed!

We met at another neighborhood haunt, this one equipped with a lounge-y patio area and a live jazz band. It was just loud enough to provide comfort for any lags in conversation and yet quiet enough to easily chat. Conversation was easy and I was even more attracted to him than before. He was smart, witty and attentive. As a hobby musician, he knew some of the band members and politely introduced me to them at a break in the set. In addition, it seems we found several common interests, including a love of hole-in-the-wall bars, great espresso and unique cheeses!

He texted the following morning, telling me how much he’d enjoyed our time together. In this case, I was more than happy to simply receive a text. However, in the week following, our sole communication has continued to be in the form of text-only, both to check in as well as to set up our next date. Perhaps I am being a bit old-fashioned here, but is it too much to expect someone to actually call when arranging future plans??

Honey: This date was a pleasant reminder of what it is like to be pursued by someone: boy meets girl, boy calls girl, boy asks girl out, boy and girl go out and have fun…truly nice!

Lemon: Post-date text-only communiqué…

Will a six-minute date really lead to love???

I’ve always been curious about speed dating so when my friend, Sarah asked me to join her on a “wine tasting and speed dating” event, I happily accepted. Then as the event inched closer, Sarah and I began to call, text and email each other with our growing (and perhaps slightly unrealistic) concerns, all while simultaneously trying to remind ourselves of the great benefits of meeting new people AND trying new wines. We nervously wondered if anyone would show up at all…and if they did show up, would they all be too old… too young… socially awkward or worse yet… serial killers???

Sarah and I sat in my parked car before the actual event, contemplating an alternative plan (as it turned out, the classy wine tasting venue appeared to be a section of a warehouse-sized liquor store). While in the parking lot, we attempted to discretely assess the quality of men that were entering the store. Our anxiety grew as we endeavored to determine if the cane-using, cardigan-wearing grandfatherly types were just entering the store to buy a bottle of alcohol or actually seeking to meet us.

After serious consideration of abandoning the event altogether, we pep-talked, rationalized and rallied one another to enter the boxy building. Upon entry, we were directed to a dark corner tucked behind a massive tequila display. Surprisingly, the corner housed a charming Western-themed nook, lined with wooden bar stools, a faux bar and even a shingled rooftop. We grabbed a wine glass, name tag, notepad and took our assigned spots (the men would move every six minutes to a new person while the women stayed seated). The wine tasting began and shortly after, so did our first six-minute “date”. After a few sips of wine and nervous laughs, the conversation began to flow and surprisingly, I found I was actually enjoying myself! The event involved multiple tastings of various varietals of wine and a total of twelve six-minute dates. While it was quickly apparent that six minutes could easily feel like six hours with some of the men, the overall evening yielded several unexpectedly insightful conversations and a good dose of sincere laughter.


Lemon: While the general demographics of the men where within my desired education, profession and age range, I did not feel chemistry with any of them…

Honey: Risks pay off! After all the fretting and worrying, the overall evening was really quite fun…I socialized with many new people, learned about some interesting hobbies, skills and professions AND tasted some really good wine as well! And heck, if dating is a numbers game, then my numbers are most certainly increasing!

Passenger Seat or Driver??

I met Jeremy several months ago at a mutual friend’s cocktail party and we immediately hit it off… he was intelligent, witty and perfectly sarcastic. After an evening of chatting over cocktails and appetizers, we exchanged business cards and emailed for a few weeks before he suggested we “hang out sometime”. At that point, I suggested some dates and times that I was available, none of which seemed to fit with his schedule. A few weeks later he sent another email, inquiring about my schedule. This time, I simply provided my phone number and suggested he call to discuss. He called a week later. After an hour-long conversation, I was reminded why I had kept in touch with this guy for so many weeks – conversation easily flowed, we laughed a lot and he really seemed to listen and thoughtfully respond to my comments. After a few awkward questions about whether I would like to actually hang out in person (ummm, yeah…duh!), we finally settled on a date to “hang out”.

The date itself was terrific - a day visit to a much-anticipated museum exhibit as well as afternoon cocktails, followed by a lovely dinner. The entire event was extremely well planned. In fact, I even caught a glimpse of a computer-printed sheet of paper listing the names and addresses of all locations we would be visiting, starting with my home address and time of pick-up (Jeremy immediately got points for being very well organized!). He also brought bottled water and sunscreen as much of the day included outdoor gardens. Being together was comfortable, easy and fun. He even referenced future activities that we might enjoy together as well. The date ended with Jeremy very gentlemanly walking me to my door, inquiring whether I really, “honestly” had a good time, a quick hug and an immediate departure back to his car.

It has now been five weeks since our first date. At his initiation, several emails have been exchanged, each commenting on how much fun we had on our date. He even texted me one evening to inquire what I was “up to”… I responded that I was out with our mutual friend and he replied that he was visiting his family several hours away...okay… Our most recent email exchange was an email from him “touching base” and once again, suggesting we “should hang out again soon”...


Lemons: While I truly appreciate Jeremy’s thoughtful planning and respectful approach to our date, I cannot ignore his obvious hesitation. To use a car analogy, I don’t mind driving but definitely hope to swap seats every now and then. I tend to think that being tentative in something like simply initiating a second date may also indicate a tendency to be tentative in even more important topics in the future such as asserting one’s opinion, feelings or initiating discussions on difficult topics. Agree or disagree??