That Darn Text Messaging...

As described in the recent response to my last post, texting is all-to-often thought of as a terribly frustrating dating "tool". While the majority of my female friends agree that texting can be useful, the caveat is that it should only serve as a supplement - not a replacement - to verbal communication. While often touted as fast, convenient and sometimes even sexy or flirtatious (most of us have received a super-hot "sextext" at least once, right?). Text messages can also be painfully vague and ambiguous... leaving the receiver to squirm in minutes (okay, sometimes hours...or even days) of confusion, followed by excruciating over-analysis. And, alas, texts can even remove the oh-so-human, personal touch of something that should truly be communicated only in person.

This point was made painfully clear to me with one of the first men I dated when I became single. His name was Chris and he was an artsy, intellectual film editor. He knew all the hippest hippster spots to go in his funky neighborhood, including a tiki-style lounge that we both ended up at with friends one evening. He approached me as I sat at the bar with my girlfriend. He explained he had just stopped in for a quick beer before heading off to rehearse with his garage band and after apologizing for the interruption, he went on to explain that he just had to tell me that I was the "absolute most beautiful woman" in the entire bar. Call me a sucker, but that line worked like a charm! We had our first date lined up before he finished his last swig of beer. From there, we proceeded to date regularly for the next six weeks... local bands, music festivals, funky, eclectic restaurants and art exhibits. We quickly got into a routine of spending our Saturday evenings together. So, when I had not heard from him by Thursday one week, I left a voice message offering to make a reservation at a restaurant we'd discussed visiting. When I still didn't hear from him on Friday, I assumed he was simply busy and we would connect on Saturday... Then, when I didn't hear from him on Saturday mid-morning, I called again and left another voicemail (yes, yes, I know what you must be thinking but please remember that this was only the second guy I had dating after a decade-long relationship!)... It was nearly midnight on Saturday when Chris finally texted the following message: "sorry 4 not calling, too much sh*t happnin right now". Upon reading it the next morning, I immediately called my closest single male friend, Matt, to help me decipher the puzzle. Matt bluntly explained that, in his opinion, Chris did not have any earth-shattering "sh*t" happening....that if he did, and it was indeed the reason he couldn't see me, he would have shared it in detail with me... ON THE TELEPHONE. As well, Matt pointed out that the fact that Chris texted at midnight, likely meaning that he did still want to see me but only in a "booty call" capacity from this point forward... meaning limited public outtings, no more meals and only late night weekend text communication. As I slowly nodded my head, attempting to comprehend this foreign perspective, I asked my friend Matt one final question: would it be appropriate for me to at least respond to him - if only for closure - and simply tell him I was sorry he felt that way, it was nice to meet him and perhaps wish him well??? Matt's answer was a firm and resounding "NO."

Question to my readers... What is the most offensive, disappointing or misunderstood text you have ever received???


Honey: Good ol' interactive verbal communication...for the sweet, kind and good as well as even the painfully tough stuff!

What Now?

Well, it has been nearly two months since our first date and while still very early in "relationship time", Paul (that's right, the guy from Speed Dating!) continues to be someone I very much enjoy spending time with and getting to know. We have wined and dined, shopped, cooked, attended events and are currently in the midst of planning our first weekend away together. While the first months of our dating life have provided plenty of rich content with which to populate my blog, my wish is not to make this a journal for the inevitable ups and downs of my relationship, but rather to create a more interactive forum focused upon the topics of dating and relationships in general.

As I have recounted tales of Paul's courting behavior, I have had several single girlfriends tell me that his conduct serves as a meaningful reminder to them. A reminder that guys like him do still exist. And a reminder to not accept those first dates from guys that text 10 minutes before they want to go out and then, have no idea where to go or what to do! And here's the deal: what Paul has done (and continues to do) is really not all that difficult and sadly, it shouldn't be that unusual. BUT (and I hope all the guys reading this are paying attention), his dating behavior is indeed rare and, quite obviously, sincerely appreciated by more women than just me.

What is this mysterious behavior, you ask? Well, quite simply, it is treating the woman as if you really would like to take her out. It is having respect for her and her time. There is no magic formula but it can be as basic as: calling rather than texting; as having a plan - suggesting activities, bar/restaurants (and even making a reservation!); offering to drive (even if she lives six - or even ten - miles away!); opening the car door (and that restaurant/bar door too!)... It is these seemingly small actions that make us feel a little bit extra special and as if you actually want to spend time with us.

So I now invite you, the reader, to share your stories... the "best of's..." as well as those "worst of's...". What's your best first date story? And what about your most disappointing first date?