Safe Harbor...

My parents are avid boaters and after spending several summer weekends with them, I learned the concept of what I call a "safe harbor". In the Pacific Northwest, there are hundreds of island and coastal bays in which to anchor one's boat. And sometimes, it can be a bit of a rough ride in between them. So, after a day of being bounced around in the waves and wind, using excessive fuel and energy just to keep moving in the desired direction, it is absolutely blissful to happen upon a quiet little inlet that has very little movement and ideal ground to drop anchor.

When a spot like this was located, my family would often choose to spend several days there knowing that we would venture out again at some point but wanting to enjoy - for just a little while - the calm quiet that existed in the peaceful little bay. Now, I suspect if you interviewed any boater in this scenario, he or she would insist that given the choice, he or she would not want to remain anchored there forever. But rather, it simply served as a safe locale to pause and catch one's breath for a moment or two.

I recently had brunch with an old friend and she described the relationship with a man she had been dating for over a year and I immediately thought of the "safe harbor" concept. She explained that while she was anxious to buy a home, marry and start a family, she was absolutely certain that her current boyfriend was not someone she could see herself with long term. She continued to say that they had dramatically different life goals and vision but that he was great "right now". She told of her previous dating horror stories and how she was just so pleased to "take a break" for a bit and step off of the dating merry-go-round. As she talked, I couldn't help but think of her boyfriend as a "safe harbor" - great for a year, maybe two, but definitely not a permanent place to stay.

So readers, have you done the same in your relationships? It is inevitable that by our late twenties/early thirties, we have often spent years dating and sometimes we are just exhausted?! To that point, do we sometimes temporarily anchor ourselves in a safe harbor in an effort to just pause and catch our breath for a minute, fully knowing the person is not someone we intend to spend too long with? And furthermore, so what if we do? Should we drop anchor only where we expect we might want to stay in that bay forever? What do you think?

Honey: I suspect we can learn and grow a great deal in any relationship (well, and have some fun too!), regardless of the length or long-term potential...

Lemon: I can't help but feel like it is a little bit counterproductive to contribute time and energy to something that is not aligned with a bigger goal... For example, I know I want a life partner that loves to travel and share the experience of exploration with me, so wouldn't I - hypothetically - be "wasting" my time by dating someone (even for a week or month) that doesn't enjoy travel and adventure?? For me, I think I would be...