I recently spent several nights staying at one of my favorite chic Manhattan hotels. While my primary purpose for the visit was work, there was also ample opportunity to enjoy the hotel’s social spaces while entertaining clients each evening. This most recent stay was my third visit to the hotel and while certainly not unique to one city, hotel or venue, it is my experience that this particular hotel lounge seems to draw an unusually high number of over-confident, overly-aggressive men seeking to interact with the opposite sex.
My first experience was nearly a year ago as I sat in the same lounge, sipping a glass of white wine, awaiting my client’s arrival. I noticed a gentleman standing approximately ten feet away, staring and smiling at me as he leaned against the faux fireplace hearth of the dim, candle-lit lounge. He appeared to be attractive and well-dressed in a European-cut business suit. And at first glance, I did not actually view him as a potential suitor but rather earnestly tried to determine if he was the managing partner of the firm with whom I was currently meeting with during my daytime hours in the city. I had met the partner approximately a year before and in the dim lighting, I suspected it was him and felt a bit embarrassed that I was uncertain. Accordingly, as he continued to smile, I smiled back and gave a subtle wave, slightly lifting my hand off of my chair’s armrest. It was at that exact moment that my client arrived; we greeted one another and immediately became engaged in conversation. When I finally looked around the room several minutes later, the mysterious man had disappeared.
A couple of hours and a couple of glasses of wine later, I bid farewell to my client and walked through hotel lobby to the elevator bank. As I paused to press the elevator call button, Mystery Man appeared at my side. As I looked over, he smiled and I quickly realized he was not the firm’s managing partner, but rather a complete stranger to me. He wasted no time in introducing himself and telling me he had watched me all evening (hmmm, flattering or stalker-ish?), intending to approach me but then becoming shy when my friend arrived. He insisted I join him for a glass of wine and while he was certainly a bit too aggressive for my taste, he was handsome, it was still early and so I agreed. He quickly procured two glasses of pinot noir and we selected a quiet table in the corner of the lounge. He began asking me questions about myself but I immediately realized that while the questions were thoughtful and creative, he did not allow me to answer a single one of them. Our conversation went something like this:
Him: What are your three favorite things to do in Manhattan?
Me: Well, I always love to...
Him: YES!!! Me TOOIADOREManhattanthatswhyI’velivedhereforthepastsixyearsand
lovelivingontheuppereastsidewhereIhaveabeautifulcondothatIboughttwoyearsago…BLAH BLAH BLAH!
It became clear within less than five minutes that I was long overdue to bid this man goodnight and accordingly, I opted to finish the last two thirds of my wine in a few quick gulps (poor form but I just couldn’t abandon a full glass!). I swallowed the final drops as he was describing at length how amazingly “in tune” he was with women due to the fabulous listening (huh??) lessons his beloved mother had taught him… Really?! Was this a joke?? Perhaps I was on Candid Camera??
He politely escorted me back to the elevators where he removed his cell phone from his pocket and advised me that I was going to give him my number so that he could take me to dinner on my next trip to the city. As I attempted to think of a somewhat polite but firm reply, I asked him one defining question: “Do you even remember my name?” He smiled sweetly and in his best attempt to be smooth, he asked if it really mattered, explaining I would simply be listed as the “Most Beautiful Blonde I’ve Ever Met” in his phone…
Ummm, yeah… actually, it DID matter. It mattered a lot. And, thanks to his response, I felt not a single pang of guilt as I simply turned my back to him and walked into the waiting elevator…alone.
Lemon: There’s a quote that offers the following advice: to actually get someone interested in oneself, one must simply be sincerely interested in that OTHER PERSON… end of story.
Honey: hmmm, perhaps that nice glass of wine…
Friday, October 30, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Perhaps it is just THAT simple...
I travel frequently for work and accordingly, I observe lots of people: leisure travelers, business travelers, individuals, families and couples. I especially find it interesting to observe the dynamics of older couples. You know, those that have been together for decades… those that have experienced the celebrations and disappointments as well as have established the everyday routines that define much of their time. More often than not, it seems one is walking several feet ahead of the other, carrying the majority of the carry-on baggage, grumbling at how long the “slow one” is taking, how they are going to miss their flight, etc. etc. Alternatively, it’s not uncommon to see both standing still in the middle of a high foot-traffic area – oblivious to their surroundings – passionately disputing the direction they should be going to reach their destination.
On a recent flight, I watched an elderly couple make their way down the narrow aisle of the airplane. When they reached their seats – next to me – he patiently grabbed for her purse while she automatically searched for his book in their carry-on luggage. They seated themselves, checking in on one another’s comfort and needs – seatbelts fastened? need some water? or a back pillow? Upon introduction, they shared that they were en route on the annual trip to visit their children on the opposite side of the country. This past summer, they had celebrated their 56th wedding anniversary.
I watched them interact throughout the flight… she had packed snacks for them and when distributing them, she carefully inspected each of the sandwiches to ensure she gave him the one with extra mayonnaise. As well, he got the grapes and she took the apples, explaining to me that she always packed their favorite fruits. As a recent hip replacement recipient, he was slow and tentative in his movements. At one point, he strained for several minutes to get up out of his seat and move into the aisle. When he finally made it to a standing position, he exhaled and turned to his wife to smile. I looked at her – for just a brief moment - as their eyes locked and both smiled at one another. In that snapshot, there was an indescribable, but palpable connection.
As we neared the end of our flight, I asked my seatmate what she believed was the “key” to a successfully marriage…. She inhaled and turned, twisting her upper body to look at me directly. She then smiled and slowly said three words: understanding, patience and respect. As I nodded my head and raised my eyebrows to await the rest of the magical recipe, I watched carefully as she returned to her original position, placed her head against the back of the seat and closed her eyes. It was only then, perhaps for the first time ever, I acknowledged to myself that perhaps it really was that exquisitely simple.
Honey: Wow, we spend so much time reading books and advice columns, listening to relationship “experts” when really, perhaps all we need is to simply apply some very basic concepts that when done intentionally and consistently, can be remarkably powerful.
On a recent flight, I watched an elderly couple make their way down the narrow aisle of the airplane. When they reached their seats – next to me – he patiently grabbed for her purse while she automatically searched for his book in their carry-on luggage. They seated themselves, checking in on one another’s comfort and needs – seatbelts fastened? need some water? or a back pillow? Upon introduction, they shared that they were en route on the annual trip to visit their children on the opposite side of the country. This past summer, they had celebrated their 56th wedding anniversary.
I watched them interact throughout the flight… she had packed snacks for them and when distributing them, she carefully inspected each of the sandwiches to ensure she gave him the one with extra mayonnaise. As well, he got the grapes and she took the apples, explaining to me that she always packed their favorite fruits. As a recent hip replacement recipient, he was slow and tentative in his movements. At one point, he strained for several minutes to get up out of his seat and move into the aisle. When he finally made it to a standing position, he exhaled and turned to his wife to smile. I looked at her – for just a brief moment - as their eyes locked and both smiled at one another. In that snapshot, there was an indescribable, but palpable connection.
As we neared the end of our flight, I asked my seatmate what she believed was the “key” to a successfully marriage…. She inhaled and turned, twisting her upper body to look at me directly. She then smiled and slowly said three words: understanding, patience and respect. As I nodded my head and raised my eyebrows to await the rest of the magical recipe, I watched carefully as she returned to her original position, placed her head against the back of the seat and closed her eyes. It was only then, perhaps for the first time ever, I acknowledged to myself that perhaps it really was that exquisitely simple.
Honey: Wow, we spend so much time reading books and advice columns, listening to relationship “experts” when really, perhaps all we need is to simply apply some very basic concepts that when done intentionally and consistently, can be remarkably powerful.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Should relationships require "work"?
When visiting my family this past summer, I spent an afternoon with my ex. After a few not-so-friendly years, we have reached a point where we are friendly and respectful. He had recently located some of my possessions and we used the exchange as an excuse to meet for lunch. Upon his acceptance of our break-up being final, he engaged in another relationship within a matter of weeks. Within a few weeks of meeting, they were exclusive. And in less than three months, they had moved in together. While they had experienced their share of not-so-private problems throughout their relationship (he has a large, loud family that still interacts with mine), they had recently purchased a house together and now, at lunch, he told me that they planned to get married before the end of the year. Their wedding date would be nearly five months shy of their two year anniversary. While the reader may make a variety of assumptions about the timeframe of their relationship and subsequent quick engagement, I believe the most interesting part is the effort they appear to be contributing in trying to make the relationship “work”. He told stories of angry fights, packing bags and deeming it was “over” on more than one occasion. He told of tearful reunions and promises of change. And, he told of regular visits to a couples’ therapist, beginning only a few months into the relationship. My immediate and not-so-silent reaction was that the relationship appeared to be requiring far too much effort at such an early point. In addition, was something on such unstable ground truly sustainable???
As a lover of flowers, I like to think of a relationship as a flower seed: a seed gets planted in the soil and this is the equivalent to meeting someone new and having those first few dates… at that point, it’s established that there is an attraction, likely on a few different levels: intellectual, physical and perhaps even emotional or spiritual. It is at this point that, if both parties are interested, that the seed begins to sprout. A few tiny sprouts that, if cultivated successfully, have the potential to grow into a solid, robust plant. In a new relationship, that nurturing can be as fundamental as planning fun activities to do together… or maybe a thoughtful “surprise” text or phone call … it may be seeing a movie or trying a restaurant that the other person can’t wait to see or visit…it may be less tangible like a quick affectionate touch, feeding the person a bite of food or simply seeking to understand his/her unique perspective on the world. It is the combination of this stuff that serves as the water, food and sunshine fostering the seed to push above ground and eventually, with care and attention, to possibly turn into a beautiful flowering plant. And even as the seed grows, inching above the soil, demonstrating some strength and potential for longevity, the growing plant still must be thoughtfully cared for… in fact, it is especially at this delicate stage that the seed requires consideration. If left unattended – without a delicate and regular combination of water, food and sunshine – it can simply give out unexpectedly leaving us to wonder what went wrong and whether there is any hope for revival.
The question is this though: at what point does the cultivation become too much “work”?? Where do we draw the line and acknowledge that the seed is simply requiring too much from us?
Honey and Lemon: I suspect that sometimes we want things to come to us a bit too easy. But, I also suspect that when we mistake “easy” for meaning that no effort or energy is required, we may miss out on an amazing garden that simply takes some time and patience to cultivate. I think the “honey” is the experience and insight to recognize the potential for a truly amazing flower blossom. In contrast, I think the toughest part is to recognize when a relationship begins (early on or even months or years into it) to require nurturing to the point that it takes away from the water, food and sunshine needed to sustain oneself. It is at this point, that we also must be honest and true in recognizing when the plant is simply unsustainable for perhaps more than a season or two (hmmm, is that an annual or perennial plant?? I don’t know but I think you get what I mean!).
As a lover of flowers, I like to think of a relationship as a flower seed: a seed gets planted in the soil and this is the equivalent to meeting someone new and having those first few dates… at that point, it’s established that there is an attraction, likely on a few different levels: intellectual, physical and perhaps even emotional or spiritual. It is at this point that, if both parties are interested, that the seed begins to sprout. A few tiny sprouts that, if cultivated successfully, have the potential to grow into a solid, robust plant. In a new relationship, that nurturing can be as fundamental as planning fun activities to do together… or maybe a thoughtful “surprise” text or phone call … it may be seeing a movie or trying a restaurant that the other person can’t wait to see or visit…it may be less tangible like a quick affectionate touch, feeding the person a bite of food or simply seeking to understand his/her unique perspective on the world. It is the combination of this stuff that serves as the water, food and sunshine fostering the seed to push above ground and eventually, with care and attention, to possibly turn into a beautiful flowering plant. And even as the seed grows, inching above the soil, demonstrating some strength and potential for longevity, the growing plant still must be thoughtfully cared for… in fact, it is especially at this delicate stage that the seed requires consideration. If left unattended – without a delicate and regular combination of water, food and sunshine – it can simply give out unexpectedly leaving us to wonder what went wrong and whether there is any hope for revival.
The question is this though: at what point does the cultivation become too much “work”?? Where do we draw the line and acknowledge that the seed is simply requiring too much from us?
Honey and Lemon: I suspect that sometimes we want things to come to us a bit too easy. But, I also suspect that when we mistake “easy” for meaning that no effort or energy is required, we may miss out on an amazing garden that simply takes some time and patience to cultivate. I think the “honey” is the experience and insight to recognize the potential for a truly amazing flower blossom. In contrast, I think the toughest part is to recognize when a relationship begins (early on or even months or years into it) to require nurturing to the point that it takes away from the water, food and sunshine needed to sustain oneself. It is at this point, that we also must be honest and true in recognizing when the plant is simply unsustainable for perhaps more than a season or two (hmmm, is that an annual or perennial plant?? I don’t know but I think you get what I mean!).
Monday, October 5, 2009
Heart versus Head...
As an admittedly analytical person, I am the first to acknowledge that I often spend too much time in my head, over-thinking situations or trying to make logical sense of my feelings. In fact, this tendency to over-analyze was made glaringly apparent several years ago when I engaged in the process of examining and ultimately choosing to end my decade-long relationship.
In hindsight, what made the break-up such a long process what that I was initially negating what my heart (or intuition) was telling me. He and I had a "paper-perfect" relationship... meaning, that on paper, everything was ideal: common values, shared hobbies and interests, career compatibility and mutual respect. Accordingly, it took me two very long years to put my finger on why I was so terribly unhappy. In fact, at one point I even made an excel-style spreadsheet to analyze my relationship! I listed qualities and values I wanted in a life partner and assessed how present they were in my current relationship. Interestingly enough, I was unable to come to any conclusion about the relationship until I paused, breathed and simply listened to my heart. It was at that point that it all became crystal clear. It wasn't about a list or a logical reason. It was, quite simply, about acknowledging and honoring my feelings.
While I think living our most fulfilled life requires a balance of both, I know it is necessary for me to regularly make a concerted effort to tune into the "heart" piece of it... to simply check in with my feelings about something or someone. I suspect that, to some readers, this seems common sense and second nature. To those thinking that, I so admire you! And, to those pondering which words they will use in their next excel spreadsheet, assigning points and making lists, I ask you this: where does your intuition play into it all? And more importantly, how do you know when it is speaking to you? How do you truly honor it??
Lemon: Brain-only, over-analysis = more analysis and often paralysis for me.
Honey: Continuing to seek that delicate balance between heart and head is key for me... listening to my intuition and yet, still allowing logic to factor into it all...
In hindsight, what made the break-up such a long process what that I was initially negating what my heart (or intuition) was telling me. He and I had a "paper-perfect" relationship... meaning, that on paper, everything was ideal: common values, shared hobbies and interests, career compatibility and mutual respect. Accordingly, it took me two very long years to put my finger on why I was so terribly unhappy. In fact, at one point I even made an excel-style spreadsheet to analyze my relationship! I listed qualities and values I wanted in a life partner and assessed how present they were in my current relationship. Interestingly enough, I was unable to come to any conclusion about the relationship until I paused, breathed and simply listened to my heart. It was at that point that it all became crystal clear. It wasn't about a list or a logical reason. It was, quite simply, about acknowledging and honoring my feelings.
While I think living our most fulfilled life requires a balance of both, I know it is necessary for me to regularly make a concerted effort to tune into the "heart" piece of it... to simply check in with my feelings about something or someone. I suspect that, to some readers, this seems common sense and second nature. To those thinking that, I so admire you! And, to those pondering which words they will use in their next excel spreadsheet, assigning points and making lists, I ask you this: where does your intuition play into it all? And more importantly, how do you know when it is speaking to you? How do you truly honor it??
Lemon: Brain-only, over-analysis = more analysis and often paralysis for me.
Honey: Continuing to seek that delicate balance between heart and head is key for me... listening to my intuition and yet, still allowing logic to factor into it all...
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Safe Harbor...
My parents are avid boaters and after spending several summer weekends with them, I learned the concept of what I call a "safe harbor". In the Pacific Northwest, there are hundreds of island and coastal bays in which to anchor one's boat. And sometimes, it can be a bit of a rough ride in between them. So, after a day of being bounced around in the waves and wind, using excessive fuel and energy just to keep moving in the desired direction, it is absolutely blissful to happen upon a quiet little inlet that has very little movement and ideal ground to drop anchor.
When a spot like this was located, my family would often choose to spend several days there knowing that we would venture out again at some point but wanting to enjoy - for just a little while - the calm quiet that existed in the peaceful little bay. Now, I suspect if you interviewed any boater in this scenario, he or she would insist that given the choice, he or she would not want to remain anchored there forever. But rather, it simply served as a safe locale to pause and catch one's breath for a moment or two.
I recently had brunch with an old friend and she described the relationship with a man she had been dating for over a year and I immediately thought of the "safe harbor" concept. She explained that while she was anxious to buy a home, marry and start a family, she was absolutely certain that her current boyfriend was not someone she could see herself with long term. She continued to say that they had dramatically different life goals and vision but that he was great "right now". She told of her previous dating horror stories and how she was just so pleased to "take a break" for a bit and step off of the dating merry-go-round. As she talked, I couldn't help but think of her boyfriend as a "safe harbor" - great for a year, maybe two, but definitely not a permanent place to stay.
So readers, have you done the same in your relationships? It is inevitable that by our late twenties/early thirties, we have often spent years dating and sometimes we are just exhausted?! To that point, do we sometimes temporarily anchor ourselves in a safe harbor in an effort to just pause and catch our breath for a minute, fully knowing the person is not someone we intend to spend too long with? And furthermore, so what if we do? Should we drop anchor only where we expect we might want to stay in that bay forever? What do you think?
Honey: I suspect we can learn and grow a great deal in any relationship (well, and have some fun too!), regardless of the length or long-term potential...
Lemon: I can't help but feel like it is a little bit counterproductive to contribute time and energy to something that is not aligned with a bigger goal... For example, I know I want a life partner that loves to travel and share the experience of exploration with me, so wouldn't I - hypothetically - be "wasting" my time by dating someone (even for a week or month) that doesn't enjoy travel and adventure?? For me, I think I would be...
When a spot like this was located, my family would often choose to spend several days there knowing that we would venture out again at some point but wanting to enjoy - for just a little while - the calm quiet that existed in the peaceful little bay. Now, I suspect if you interviewed any boater in this scenario, he or she would insist that given the choice, he or she would not want to remain anchored there forever. But rather, it simply served as a safe locale to pause and catch one's breath for a moment or two.
I recently had brunch with an old friend and she described the relationship with a man she had been dating for over a year and I immediately thought of the "safe harbor" concept. She explained that while she was anxious to buy a home, marry and start a family, she was absolutely certain that her current boyfriend was not someone she could see herself with long term. She continued to say that they had dramatically different life goals and vision but that he was great "right now". She told of her previous dating horror stories and how she was just so pleased to "take a break" for a bit and step off of the dating merry-go-round. As she talked, I couldn't help but think of her boyfriend as a "safe harbor" - great for a year, maybe two, but definitely not a permanent place to stay.
So readers, have you done the same in your relationships? It is inevitable that by our late twenties/early thirties, we have often spent years dating and sometimes we are just exhausted?! To that point, do we sometimes temporarily anchor ourselves in a safe harbor in an effort to just pause and catch our breath for a minute, fully knowing the person is not someone we intend to spend too long with? And furthermore, so what if we do? Should we drop anchor only where we expect we might want to stay in that bay forever? What do you think?
Honey: I suspect we can learn and grow a great deal in any relationship (well, and have some fun too!), regardless of the length or long-term potential...
Lemon: I can't help but feel like it is a little bit counterproductive to contribute time and energy to something that is not aligned with a bigger goal... For example, I know I want a life partner that loves to travel and share the experience of exploration with me, so wouldn't I - hypothetically - be "wasting" my time by dating someone (even for a week or month) that doesn't enjoy travel and adventure?? For me, I think I would be...
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
That Darn Text Messaging...
As described in the recent response to my last post, texting is all-to-often thought of as a terribly frustrating dating "tool". While the majority of my female friends agree that texting can be useful, the caveat is that it should only serve as a supplement - not a replacement - to verbal communication. While often touted as fast, convenient and sometimes even sexy or flirtatious (most of us have received a super-hot "sextext" at least once, right?). Text messages can also be painfully vague and ambiguous... leaving the receiver to squirm in minutes (okay, sometimes hours...or even days) of confusion, followed by excruciating over-analysis. And, alas, texts can even remove the oh-so-human, personal touch of something that should truly be communicated only in person.
This point was made painfully clear to me with one of the first men I dated when I became single. His name was Chris and he was an artsy, intellectual film editor. He knew all the hippest hippster spots to go in his funky neighborhood, including a tiki-style lounge that we both ended up at with friends one evening. He approached me as I sat at the bar with my girlfriend. He explained he had just stopped in for a quick beer before heading off to rehearse with his garage band and after apologizing for the interruption, he went on to explain that he just had to tell me that I was the "absolute most beautiful woman" in the entire bar. Call me a sucker, but that line worked like a charm! We had our first date lined up before he finished his last swig of beer. From there, we proceeded to date regularly for the next six weeks... local bands, music festivals, funky, eclectic restaurants and art exhibits. We quickly got into a routine of spending our Saturday evenings together. So, when I had not heard from him by Thursday one week, I left a voice message offering to make a reservation at a restaurant we'd discussed visiting. When I still didn't hear from him on Friday, I assumed he was simply busy and we would connect on Saturday... Then, when I didn't hear from him on Saturday mid-morning, I called again and left another voicemail (yes, yes, I know what you must be thinking but please remember that this was only the second guy I had dating after a decade-long relationship!)... It was nearly midnight on Saturday when Chris finally texted the following message: "sorry 4 not calling, too much sh*t happnin right now". Upon reading it the next morning, I immediately called my closest single male friend, Matt, to help me decipher the puzzle. Matt bluntly explained that, in his opinion, Chris did not have any earth-shattering "sh*t" happening....that if he did, and it was indeed the reason he couldn't see me, he would have shared it in detail with me... ON THE TELEPHONE. As well, Matt pointed out that the fact that Chris texted at midnight, likely meaning that he did still want to see me but only in a "booty call" capacity from this point forward... meaning limited public outtings, no more meals and only late night weekend text communication. As I slowly nodded my head, attempting to comprehend this foreign perspective, I asked my friend Matt one final question: would it be appropriate for me to at least respond to him - if only for closure - and simply tell him I was sorry he felt that way, it was nice to meet him and perhaps wish him well??? Matt's answer was a firm and resounding "NO."
Question to my readers... What is the most offensive, disappointing or misunderstood text you have ever received???
Honey: Good ol' interactive verbal communication...for the sweet, kind and good as well as even the painfully tough stuff!
This point was made painfully clear to me with one of the first men I dated when I became single. His name was Chris and he was an artsy, intellectual film editor. He knew all the hippest hippster spots to go in his funky neighborhood, including a tiki-style lounge that we both ended up at with friends one evening. He approached me as I sat at the bar with my girlfriend. He explained he had just stopped in for a quick beer before heading off to rehearse with his garage band and after apologizing for the interruption, he went on to explain that he just had to tell me that I was the "absolute most beautiful woman" in the entire bar. Call me a sucker, but that line worked like a charm! We had our first date lined up before he finished his last swig of beer. From there, we proceeded to date regularly for the next six weeks... local bands, music festivals, funky, eclectic restaurants and art exhibits. We quickly got into a routine of spending our Saturday evenings together. So, when I had not heard from him by Thursday one week, I left a voice message offering to make a reservation at a restaurant we'd discussed visiting. When I still didn't hear from him on Friday, I assumed he was simply busy and we would connect on Saturday... Then, when I didn't hear from him on Saturday mid-morning, I called again and left another voicemail (yes, yes, I know what you must be thinking but please remember that this was only the second guy I had dating after a decade-long relationship!)... It was nearly midnight on Saturday when Chris finally texted the following message: "sorry 4 not calling, too much sh*t happnin right now". Upon reading it the next morning, I immediately called my closest single male friend, Matt, to help me decipher the puzzle. Matt bluntly explained that, in his opinion, Chris did not have any earth-shattering "sh*t" happening....that if he did, and it was indeed the reason he couldn't see me, he would have shared it in detail with me... ON THE TELEPHONE. As well, Matt pointed out that the fact that Chris texted at midnight, likely meaning that he did still want to see me but only in a "booty call" capacity from this point forward... meaning limited public outtings, no more meals and only late night weekend text communication. As I slowly nodded my head, attempting to comprehend this foreign perspective, I asked my friend Matt one final question: would it be appropriate for me to at least respond to him - if only for closure - and simply tell him I was sorry he felt that way, it was nice to meet him and perhaps wish him well??? Matt's answer was a firm and resounding "NO."
Question to my readers... What is the most offensive, disappointing or misunderstood text you have ever received???
Honey: Good ol' interactive verbal communication...for the sweet, kind and good as well as even the painfully tough stuff!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
What Now?
Well, it has been nearly two months since our first date and while still very early in "relationship time", Paul (that's right, the guy from Speed Dating!) continues to be someone I very much enjoy spending time with and getting to know. We have wined and dined, shopped, cooked, attended events and are currently in the midst of planning our first weekend away together. While the first months of our dating life have provided plenty of rich content with which to populate my blog, my wish is not to make this a journal for the inevitable ups and downs of my relationship, but rather to create a more interactive forum focused upon the topics of dating and relationships in general.
As I have recounted tales of Paul's courting behavior, I have had several single girlfriends tell me that his conduct serves as a meaningful reminder to them. A reminder that guys like him do still exist. And a reminder to not accept those first dates from guys that text 10 minutes before they want to go out and then, have no idea where to go or what to do! And here's the deal: what Paul has done (and continues to do) is really not all that difficult and sadly, it shouldn't be that unusual. BUT (and I hope all the guys reading this are paying attention), his dating behavior is indeed rare and, quite obviously, sincerely appreciated by more women than just me.
What is this mysterious behavior, you ask? Well, quite simply, it is treating the woman as if you really would like to take her out. It is having respect for her and her time. There is no magic formula but it can be as basic as: calling rather than texting; as having a plan - suggesting activities, bar/restaurants (and even making a reservation!); offering to drive (even if she lives six - or even ten - miles away!); opening the car door (and that restaurant/bar door too!)... It is these seemingly small actions that make us feel a little bit extra special and as if you actually want to spend time with us.
So I now invite you, the reader, to share your stories... the "best of's..." as well as those "worst of's...". What's your best first date story? And what about your most disappointing first date?
As I have recounted tales of Paul's courting behavior, I have had several single girlfriends tell me that his conduct serves as a meaningful reminder to them. A reminder that guys like him do still exist. And a reminder to not accept those first dates from guys that text 10 minutes before they want to go out and then, have no idea where to go or what to do! And here's the deal: what Paul has done (and continues to do) is really not all that difficult and sadly, it shouldn't be that unusual. BUT (and I hope all the guys reading this are paying attention), his dating behavior is indeed rare and, quite obviously, sincerely appreciated by more women than just me.
What is this mysterious behavior, you ask? Well, quite simply, it is treating the woman as if you really would like to take her out. It is having respect for her and her time. There is no magic formula but it can be as basic as: calling rather than texting; as having a plan - suggesting activities, bar/restaurants (and even making a reservation!); offering to drive (even if she lives six - or even ten - miles away!); opening the car door (and that restaurant/bar door too!)... It is these seemingly small actions that make us feel a little bit extra special and as if you actually want to spend time with us.
So I now invite you, the reader, to share your stories... the "best of's..." as well as those "worst of's...". What's your best first date story? And what about your most disappointing first date?
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