Perhaps it is just THAT simple...

I travel frequently for work and accordingly, I observe lots of people: leisure travelers, business travelers, individuals, families and couples. I especially find it interesting to observe the dynamics of older couples. You know, those that have been together for decades… those that have experienced the celebrations and disappointments as well as have established the everyday routines that define much of their time. More often than not, it seems one is walking several feet ahead of the other, carrying the majority of the carry-on baggage, grumbling at how long the “slow one” is taking, how they are going to miss their flight, etc. etc. Alternatively, it’s not uncommon to see both standing still in the middle of a high foot-traffic area – oblivious to their surroundings – passionately disputing the direction they should be going to reach their destination.

On a recent flight, I watched an elderly couple make their way down the narrow aisle of the airplane. When they reached their seats – next to me – he patiently grabbed for her purse while she automatically searched for his book in their carry-on luggage. They seated themselves, checking in on one another’s comfort and needs – seatbelts fastened? need some water? or a back pillow? Upon introduction, they shared that they were en route on the annual trip to visit their children on the opposite side of the country. This past summer, they had celebrated their 56th wedding anniversary.

I watched them interact throughout the flight… she had packed snacks for them and when distributing them, she carefully inspected each of the sandwiches to ensure she gave him the one with extra mayonnaise. As well, he got the grapes and she took the apples, explaining to me that she always packed their favorite fruits. As a recent hip replacement recipient, he was slow and tentative in his movements. At one point, he strained for several minutes to get up out of his seat and move into the aisle. When he finally made it to a standing position, he exhaled and turned to his wife to smile. I looked at her – for just a brief moment - as their eyes locked and both smiled at one another. In that snapshot, there was an indescribable, but palpable connection.

As we neared the end of our flight, I asked my seatmate what she believed was the “key” to a successfully marriage…. She inhaled and turned, twisting her upper body to look at me directly. She then smiled and slowly said three words: understanding, patience and respect. As I nodded my head and raised my eyebrows to await the rest of the magical recipe, I watched carefully as she returned to her original position, placed her head against the back of the seat and closed her eyes. It was only then, perhaps for the first time ever, I acknowledged to myself that perhaps it really was that exquisitely simple.

Honey: Wow, we spend so much time reading books and advice columns, listening to relationship “experts” when really, perhaps all we need is to simply apply some very basic concepts that when done intentionally and consistently, can be remarkably powerful.