The Worst First

Someone recently asked me to recall my worst first date… While there are several that could compete for second place, there is a clear winner for “The Worst”.

I initially met Lucio (sounds exotic, doesn’t it? Well, he was actually a pale, freckled, red-headed, self-described “almost-half Italian” New Yorker) in broad daylight on a busy street. I had recently purchased a fantastic new sundress that made me feel like a movie star. Its inauguration was a simple dinner with girlfriends. I arrived to the restaurant early and wandered the busy street, browsing in several boutiques. As I was standing just inside the door of one shop, I saw a man walk by the storefront, look in, then back up and enter the shop, walking directly toward me. He apologized for “bothering me” but said he just had to ask if I was an actress (ah, the dress was working!)… He continued to explain that he had done a lot of theater work in New York and was certain he had worked with me before on stage. While this was possibly the cheesiest pick-up line I had ever heard, we chatted a bit and he was actually funny and seemed like a fairly nice guy. He explained he was in the process of launching a theater company in my town and asked for my email address so he could add me to the mailing list. I produced a business card and we said goodbye.

A few days later, Lucio called me at work to inquire if I wanted to be spontaneous and join him for an afternoon iced tea after walking his dog at the local park. I was unavailable and while I was not initially attracted to him, I appreciated his creativity and in the name of giving someone a chance, I agreed to meet him for a cocktail later in the week.

We agreed on a popular happy hour venue located between each of our homes. I had advised that I had dinner plans later in the evening but could briefly meet for one drink. I began to think the time would be very brief indeed when he called to confirm, told me he hadn’t been able to stop thinking of me and asked if I had told my mother about him yet…not so funny. As I arrived at the bar, I received a phone call from Lucio telling me he was running late and would be there shortly. He then told me that he was nearly 12 blocks away and that he was walking!

When he finally arrived, dripping in sweat, in a stained t-shirt, shorts and flip flop sandals, he decided the first bar was too fancy and that we should go next door instead (I will spare the details but this happened two more times before we settled on an empty, well air-conditioned sushi restaurant several blocks from our original venue). The host seated us and as I slid into my side of the booth, he squeezed in next to me – on the same side! Seeing what I am sure was a horrified look on my face, he explained that he just wanted to be close enough so we could talk and get to know each other (really?!).

While I give him credit for asking, um… thoughtful questions, when coupled with the close proximity, a continually sweating brow (he used several cocktail napkins to try to sop up the sweat) they felt invasive, bordering on inappropriate. After dodging multiple questions about my relationship background and parents’ relationship dynamics, I politely inquired about his family, specifically if he had siblings. He immediately launched into a story of being with his family at the Jersey Shore a few years before when his brother suddenly experienced a massive heart attack and died instantly. He went on at length to reminisce about their childhood, all while getting more and more emotional. I wasn’t sure whether to feel pity that he chose to focus on such a sad (and sadly inappropriate!) first date story or to feel doubt that it was even a true story. As he used the few remaining napkins to dry his tears, I decide I really didn’t want to know. I quickly downed the remainder of my cocktail, suddenly “noticed” the late hour and rushed to meet my dinner date which, by the way, was take-out Thai food and a movie, alone on my couch...the best part of my evening.

Honey: Courage to approach a stranger, creativity in dating ideas
Lemons: Just too many to list on this one!