Is there a doctor in the house?

It just might be the most expensive and painful thing that’s led to my meeting of an eligible bachelor… It had all started on a business trip in Atlanta. I developed a seemingly mild skin infection on my leg, consulted my doctor when I arrived home, began taking antibiotics and headed out on another business trip. After four days of medicine and no improvement, my close friend, a nurse, advised me via phone that yes, I did indeed need to consult another doctor. I was working long days on my feet - this time in Boston - and it was painful to stand, let alone walk.

My hotel furnished me with a business card for a group of emergency room physicians that provided on-call services. When there was a knock on my door a few hours later, a young, attractive doctor introduced himself as “Dr. Simpson”. One quick check of his ring finger confirmed that he appeared to be - at least legally - single. I would be lying if I said I didn’t notice his Diesel brand jeans (I’m a sucker for a hot pair of jeans!) or his trendy shoes. In fact, I think my initial attraction to him led to my blood pressure being significantly higher than its usual low numbers.

He was polished, professional and business-like at all times. He offered his personal cell number and promised to check on me the following day. In fact, he even gave me a ride to the local pharmacy that evening. What ensued were several days of a very painful leg infection that was well-monitored with daily calls and follow up from Dr. Simpson who at one point, asked that I just call him “Kris.” While there were a few comments and text messages that could have been loosely construed as flirting, I was unsure as to whether Kris was actually intending to flirt but nonetheless, I was very grateful for his attentiveness.

The medical highlight (or rather, lowlight) of the week was an obligatory visit to the emergency room to rule out a blood clot and to receive intravenous antibiotics. Upon arrival, I met Kris’ colleague who advised me that not only was Dr. Simpson “very concerned” about me but also that he was “a really good guy”… Could it be? I thought. Could this colleague be promoting his friend to me??? While sitting in the noisy ER with an IV needle in my arm, I did what any wise single woman would have done and texted the good looking doctor to inquire if he would like to have a drink, pending my release from the hospital. I felt like his affirmative response was the confirmation that our attraction was mutual (he later told me that my text was the ‘green light’ for him as well). Little did the attending physician know that I was resisting being admitted to the hospital not only because of my work meeting the following day, but even more importantly, due to my pending date with Kris, her colleague!

It was that evening, after a quick shower to refresh (had to scrub that dried blood off of my hand from the IV after all!), that we had our first official “date”. I extended my stay through the weekend to recuperate at a friend’s home and while Kris was going to be out of town for much of the weekend, we remained in touch via phone and made plans to see each other my final night in the area. Our date that final evening was all-too-short although I suspect that a week would not have felt like enough time. My attraction to him was not only physical but also emotional and intellectual.

While we kept in contact for a while, proximity and convenience won out and we eventually agreed that a long-distance relationship was not feasible for either of our current lifestyles. Albeit brief, the experience not only made an unpleasant medical problem more tolerable but more importantly, it also reminded me of what it feels like to be attracted to someone on so many levels…and you know what? It feels really good.

Honey: A man who is well-educated, knowledgeable and passionate about his work is a must-have for me.

Did someone say "communication"???

Ivan and I first met at a hotel bar near his home. We had met online the previous week and with a busy week of working out of several offices, we agreed to meet on the day I was working near his neighborhood. He was casually dressed in jeans, a faded t-shirt and running shoes but was attractive and very witty. We enjoyed one beverage before we both had to leave for previously scheduled dinner plans. He called the following day to invite me to a movie and drinks the following weekend. While Date #2 met all of the basic date criteria, it concluded with me feeling like we knew each other little more than after our initial meeting. After the movie we had gone for exactly one drink as he needed “to be fresh for an early morning meeting”. And, he had gulped that one drink down in less than ten minutes! Accordingly, our conversation was brief and superficial in nature. I hoped that Date #3 would yield a conversation breakthrough… until he suggested another movie. This time, he requested that I come to his home and we go from there. When I arrived at his home, I was anticipating a jaunt to a local theater but he suggested we watch a movie at his place (umm, okay, this was starting to feel a bit like a boy in college trying to make out…). I wanted to be (or at least appear to be) spontaneous and ever-flexible and thus, I agreed. He asked me to view the bookcase of movies and pick something I liked. When I finally selected three possible titles, he advised me that he had actually seen them all and suggested we select one from the “pay per view” list (ummm, okay… so why’d he even ask me to look at the bookcase? Did he not already know he’d likely seen all of his own movies??).

It went downhill from there… it seems the television screen in the living room was “too small” so he suggested we watch the movie in his bedroom. We watched a three-hour epic sitting on his bed, with our backs propped against the wall, drinking rum and cokes and feeling like I was back in high school. He tried to make “a move” a couple of times but I made it clear that I was extremely interested in following every, little detail of the storyline. At the end of the movie, I made an explanation of having to be up early the next morning and quickly made my escape with a quick peck on the cheek. Three strikes and you’re OUT! Emotionally stunted? Perhaps. Painfully anti-social? Maybe. Not the one for me? Definitely.

Lemons: I am a social being. I like to talk and I like to listen. Meaningful dialogue is extremely important to me. Ivan taught me that I cannot date someone who is unable or unwilling to share of oneself and get to know me in the same manner. Seems like normal adult human interaction, doesn’t it?!

Hungry Girl

I met Jeff at a local pub while waiting in line for beer and listening to 80’s tunes on the juke box. In fact, his friend and I were actually hitting it off quite well…that is, until his friend found himself too drunk to stand in line any longer. Enter Jeff. Initially, I wasn’t really all that attracted to him physically, but he was smart, funny and very entertaining. So, I agreed to go out with him. The first date was billed as “dinner and a comedy club”. We arrived with plenty of time to spare, grabbed our tickets and proceeded to a charming Italian restaurant down the street. We ordered cocktails and perused the menu. After the waiter took my order for a chicken and sundried tomato penne entree, Jeff advised him that he was simply “good with just the wine”. He then explained to me that he had been obese as an adolescent and young adult. And, after losing nearly one hundred pounds by limiting his daily intake to a two liter container of diet soda, he found that he could now only eat one meal a day to maintain his weight loss. And, since he had eaten breakfast that day, he was done.

Now, I am average height and weight, but I must say, I LOVE MY FOOD. Eating is not only a necessity for nourishment, it is a social ritual that brings me great joy - to me, sharing a meal with someone is intimate, it fosters meaningful dialogue and is truly one of my favorite hobbies. And as I quickly learned that night with Jeff, it is just not the same when someone simply watches me eat.

Not wanting to be too quick to judge, I suggested for our next date that we go to dinner again but that this time, it be Jeff’s daily meal. He was game and I suggested my favorite sushi spot. He asked if he could order for both of us and I obliged. It is important to note that he ordered significantly less than what I order there when I am ALONE. And, when the petite, itsy-bitsy order arrived, he quickly ate his share and confidently announced how incredibly full he was! Again, I do not think I eat an abnormally large amount of food, but I am also not a dainty “oh I’m already full after one bite of lettuce” kind of gal either. However, in an effort to not appear like a great hungry hippo, I agreed at how filling the meal was. And then, I went home alone and made a sandwich… a really big sandwich. As you may guess, there was no Date #3 and heck, who knows…perhaps he is blogging somewhere today about me as “The REALLY Hungry Girl”!

Lemon: I want a man that shares my vision of a meal as a meaningful experience to share together. I want a man that eats...regularly. And, when he does eat, I want for him to eat as much or more than I do.

Intro

This month is my two year anniversary of moving to a new city and the official beginning of placing the checkmark in that little box indicating that I am “single”. When I arrived, I had just ended a decade-long relationship and was suddenly single, for the first time really, as an adult. This truth was simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying. The last time I dated was in college and really, was that even dating? In fact, I’m quite sure that attending a frat party because my roommate’s friend’s cousin’s brother lived there or drunk dialing that hot guy from my chem lab was indeed not dating. Now, in my mid-30’s, I didn’t quite know where to begin.

So, I’ve jumped in head first – I enthusiastically go to bars, parties and work-sponsored events. I ask friends to set me up and I've even ventured onto the plethora of online dating sites. Accordingly, I've begun dating and dating A LOT. While sometimes funny, occasionally embarrassing, all-too-often disappointing and at times even a little bit sad, I’ve noticed some common themes in the type of men I date. In fact, some weeks I've felt like I’m on a carnival ride that keeps passing the same familiar landmarks as it spins around, making me dizzy and a bit nauseous.

Then, a happily married colleague shared her story with me: she spent ten years – yep, you read that right: ONE WHOLE DECADE – dating. She explained that after a failed relationship, she began to approach dating very strategically. She believed that each date, good or bad, would at the very least yield insight into the qualities most important to her in a life partner. Throughout the process, she began compiling an actual handwritten list of her “Must Haves” as well as her “Dealbreakers”.

Now, I am not discounting chemistry or intuition here – I think both are of the utmost importance in life and certainly, in love – but as a natural-born list maker, I think this idea might be worth a shot. I don’t believe that there is a right or wrong answer to any of this and I fully recognize that nothing in life is simply black and white. But, after nearly two years on the same crazy carnival ride, I’m thinking: “What the heck??! Let’s give the list a try!”

And so begins my list of the "Honey" (this is that stuff that I really, really want in my world – it makes life just a little bit sweeter) and the "Lemons" (in contrast, while sometimes okay in small amounts, this is the stuff, when consistently present that just leaves my stomach a bit uneasy). While the content is accurate, the dates, times and locations are sometimes changed to protect the innocent (well, and in some cases, simply to keep my mother from guessing it’s me!). Oh, and don’t worry guys, I’ve changed your names too. My hope in writing this is for clarity and that perhaps, just maybe, my experience will inspire you too… not necessarily to make your own list, but rather not to settle into a relationship that is missing a key component of what you know you want and need for true fulfillment. Simply put, life is just too short to settle.