"Charmin"

On a recent business trip, I had a opportunity to catch up with my friend, Holly, whom I hadn’t seen in several months. The last time we had spoke, she had just met an attractive stranger at a friend’s wedding and was very excited about the possibility of a new romance. She had attended the wedding solo, sitting with her colleague and husband. When the husband went to the restroom toward the end of the evening, he was gone for longer than usual and finally returned with another man in tow. It seems the other man approached the colleague’s husband while in the restroom, telling him he had noticed the beautiful woman sitting at his table and asked if he would introduce him (I am told this sort of conversation is a rarity in male restroom culture and generally viewed with great intrepidation). Nevertheless, the husband escorted the man to the table and politely introduced him to Holly.

From there, Holly and Jeff spent the final hour of the wedding reception engaged in conversation. And, when the party ended, they moved to a nearby bar to enjoy another glass of wine. When they parted company, Jeff ensured he had Holly’s phone number and a plan to see her again. The only problem was that he lived 250 miles away.

After two weeks and many entertaining phone conversations, Holly agreed to meet Jeff in San Francisco, approximately half way between each of their homes. In an effort to maximize comfort and ensure the relationship progressed slowly, Holly insisted on having her own hotel room. However, after a first evening of fabulous food, witty conversation and several cocktails, Holly found herself sharing a bottle of wine on the couch in Jeff’s room...

Her next memory is of being jolted awake by a loud explosion. Before she knew it, she was sitting upright in the bed, trying to shake off her wine haze and assess her surroundings. Jeff was not in the bed next to her but as she surveyed the room, she noticed a sliver of light coming from beneath the bathroom door. As several more smaller explosions took place, she quickly realized the “explosions” were indeed human - abnormal and seemingly very severe but definitely human. Her next move was simple: avoid confrontation and minimize embarrassment by simply “playing dead”. In her effort not to move, she eventually fell back asleep and awoke again to a sunlit room and still, no Jeff. Upon calling out his name, the bathroom door opened a few inches and Jeff revealed a pale and forlorn face, mumbling something about dinner not agreeing with him and promised to be out in a few minutes.

While Holly expressed her sympathy, it was clear Jeff was embarrassed and unwilling to further discuss the situation as he sat in the hotel’s restaurant, sipping broth and attempting not to vomit. By early afternoon, it was apparent that he was not recovering and both agreed it would be best for him to catch the next flight home, rather than staying an additional night as originally planned.

Jeff did not correspond with Holly at all the following week. Then, after ten days, she received a detailed text message from Jeff (now nicknamed "Charmin" in Holly's cell phone) expressing how sorry he was that things had not worked out between them. He went on to explain that the weekend in San Fran had made it painfully clear to him that he was not yet over his past relationship and was simply not ready to date again. He wished her well and asked that she please respect his feelings by never contacting him again.

Hmmmm, so the question left in Holly's mind was this: did Jeff's sickness actually remind him that he suddenly missed his ex-girlfriend (as per their previous conversations, he has been single for several years, with no significant recent relationships) or rather was it an elaborate excuse to mask his embarrassment??

Holly has another friend's wedding to attend in a few weeks... will this one be "better luck next time" or is three times the charm???

Lemon: Well, if it was indeed an excuse, I think that unfortunately, as unsexy as it may be, we are all human and well, stuff happens... get over it, Jeff.

Blush

A friend often describes the feeling of meeting a man she really likes romantically as meeting someone that makes her "blush.” By “blush”, she is simply referring to what seems to be that all-too-rare feeling of childlike giddiness and excitement about someone… ideally, it lasts far longer than a first date, month or year. And when you feel it, you know it immediately... you know, that person that you sometimes catch yourself daydreaming about at work as you stare at the computer monitor… the one that makes you involuntarily smile when you receive a text message from him… the one that your heart skips a little fraction of a beat when you see his name illuminate your phone… and again, you find yourself smiling when you hang up the phone after a great conversation... and even more so, it’s the one that when you actually see each other in person, it’s even better than the anticipation of the meeting…

While it has been (and will remain) my "policy" to not discuss my current relationship in my blog, I will say this: he… makes… me… BLUSH and I really like it.

So Readers: when is the last time someone made YOU blush? Who was he/she (no no no, we don't need real names)?? What was the situation???

Honey: Duh…

Manners

Break-ups are often, if not always, difficult and painful. The break-up of my decade-long relationship was no different. That said, I also believe that neither of us intended to purposely hurt the other person and thus, we were, for the most part, able to maintain civility and respect for one another throughout the process. As time has passed, we have remained friendly, although not in regular contact. Our communication has included a handful of coffees or lunches when exchanging possessions or documents as well as calls on birthdays and the occasional text or email to simply check in and say hello.

As mentioned in a previous entry, he has entered into another relationship but is still in regular contact with my parents. So perhaps it is fitting that my father was the one that told me that my ex is currently en route to Hawaii for his wedding this week. And, furthermore, that the bride-to-be is pregnant!!

Now, I can say with 100% certainty that I have absolutely no remorse at ending my relationship with him, nor do I feel any disappointment that it is not me. However, I cannot help but feel disappointed that he did not bother to call, email or even text me this significant and life-changing news. I understand that perhaps the thought of such a conversation may feel uncomfortable or awkward to him (not sure why, as he’s certainly shared information about her before – see earlier blog entry), but I still maintain that it is appropriate (and well, expected) that after spending such a significant part of our lives together, it would simply be “good manners” to communicate such important news directly to me.

So readers… your thoughts…am I expecting too much? Is this unrealistic??

Honey: Well, I am sincerely glad he has moved on and I do wish him`happiness and fulfillment in his life.

Lemon: Need I restate it? It’s just plain ol’ BAD MANNERS!

A Waste of Good Wine...

I recently spent several nights staying at one of my favorite chic Manhattan hotels. While my primary purpose for the visit was work, there was also ample opportunity to enjoy the hotel’s social spaces while entertaining clients each evening. This most recent stay was my third visit to the hotel and while certainly not unique to one city, hotel or venue, it is my experience that this particular hotel lounge seems to draw an unusually high number of over-confident, overly-aggressive men seeking to interact with the opposite sex.

My first experience was nearly a year ago as I sat in the same lounge, sipping a glass of white wine, awaiting my client’s arrival. I noticed a gentleman standing approximately ten feet away, staring and smiling at me as he leaned against the faux fireplace hearth of the dim, candle-lit lounge. He appeared to be attractive and well-dressed in a European-cut business suit. And at first glance, I did not actually view him as a potential suitor but rather earnestly tried to determine if he was the managing partner of the firm with whom I was currently meeting with during my daytime hours in the city. I had met the partner approximately a year before and in the dim lighting, I suspected it was him and felt a bit embarrassed that I was uncertain. Accordingly, as he continued to smile, I smiled back and gave a subtle wave, slightly lifting my hand off of my chair’s armrest. It was at that exact moment that my client arrived; we greeted one another and immediately became engaged in conversation. When I finally looked around the room several minutes later, the mysterious man had disappeared.

A couple of hours and a couple of glasses of wine later, I bid farewell to my client and walked through hotel lobby to the elevator bank. As I paused to press the elevator call button, Mystery Man appeared at my side. As I looked over, he smiled and I quickly realized he was not the firm’s managing partner, but rather a complete stranger to me. He wasted no time in introducing himself and telling me he had watched me all evening (hmmm, flattering or stalker-ish?), intending to approach me but then becoming shy when my friend arrived. He insisted I join him for a glass of wine and while he was certainly a bit too aggressive for my taste, he was handsome, it was still early and so I agreed. He quickly procured two glasses of pinot noir and we selected a quiet table in the corner of the lounge. He began asking me questions about myself but I immediately realized that while the questions were thoughtful and creative, he did not allow me to answer a single one of them. Our conversation went something like this:

Him: What are your three favorite things to do in Manhattan?
Me: Well, I always love to...
Him: YES!!! Me TOOIADOREManhattanthatswhyI’velivedhereforthepastsixyearsand
lovelivingontheuppereastsidewhereIhaveabeautifulcondothatIboughttwoyearsago…BLAH BLAH BLAH!

It became clear within less than five minutes that I was long overdue to bid this man goodnight and accordingly, I opted to finish the last two thirds of my wine in a few quick gulps (poor form but I just couldn’t abandon a full glass!). I swallowed the final drops as he was describing at length how amazingly “in tune” he was with women due to the fabulous listening (huh??) lessons his beloved mother had taught him… Really?! Was this a joke?? Perhaps I was on Candid Camera??

He politely escorted me back to the elevators where he removed his cell phone from his pocket and advised me that I was going to give him my number so that he could take me to dinner on my next trip to the city. As I attempted to think of a somewhat polite but firm reply, I asked him one defining question: “Do you even remember my name?” He smiled sweetly and in his best attempt to be smooth, he asked if it really mattered, explaining I would simply be listed as the “Most Beautiful Blonde I’ve Ever Met” in his phone…

Ummm, yeah… actually, it DID matter. It mattered a lot. And, thanks to his response, I felt not a single pang of guilt as I simply turned my back to him and walked into the waiting elevator…alone.


Lemon: There’s a quote that offers the following advice: to actually get someone interested in oneself, one must simply be sincerely interested in that OTHER PERSON… end of story.

Honey: hmmm, perhaps that nice glass of wine…

Perhaps it is just THAT simple...

I travel frequently for work and accordingly, I observe lots of people: leisure travelers, business travelers, individuals, families and couples. I especially find it interesting to observe the dynamics of older couples. You know, those that have been together for decades… those that have experienced the celebrations and disappointments as well as have established the everyday routines that define much of their time. More often than not, it seems one is walking several feet ahead of the other, carrying the majority of the carry-on baggage, grumbling at how long the “slow one” is taking, how they are going to miss their flight, etc. etc. Alternatively, it’s not uncommon to see both standing still in the middle of a high foot-traffic area – oblivious to their surroundings – passionately disputing the direction they should be going to reach their destination.

On a recent flight, I watched an elderly couple make their way down the narrow aisle of the airplane. When they reached their seats – next to me – he patiently grabbed for her purse while she automatically searched for his book in their carry-on luggage. They seated themselves, checking in on one another’s comfort and needs – seatbelts fastened? need some water? or a back pillow? Upon introduction, they shared that they were en route on the annual trip to visit their children on the opposite side of the country. This past summer, they had celebrated their 56th wedding anniversary.

I watched them interact throughout the flight… she had packed snacks for them and when distributing them, she carefully inspected each of the sandwiches to ensure she gave him the one with extra mayonnaise. As well, he got the grapes and she took the apples, explaining to me that she always packed their favorite fruits. As a recent hip replacement recipient, he was slow and tentative in his movements. At one point, he strained for several minutes to get up out of his seat and move into the aisle. When he finally made it to a standing position, he exhaled and turned to his wife to smile. I looked at her – for just a brief moment - as their eyes locked and both smiled at one another. In that snapshot, there was an indescribable, but palpable connection.

As we neared the end of our flight, I asked my seatmate what she believed was the “key” to a successfully marriage…. She inhaled and turned, twisting her upper body to look at me directly. She then smiled and slowly said three words: understanding, patience and respect. As I nodded my head and raised my eyebrows to await the rest of the magical recipe, I watched carefully as she returned to her original position, placed her head against the back of the seat and closed her eyes. It was only then, perhaps for the first time ever, I acknowledged to myself that perhaps it really was that exquisitely simple.

Honey: Wow, we spend so much time reading books and advice columns, listening to relationship “experts” when really, perhaps all we need is to simply apply some very basic concepts that when done intentionally and consistently, can be remarkably powerful.

Should relationships require "work"?

When visiting my family this past summer, I spent an afternoon with my ex. After a few not-so-friendly years, we have reached a point where we are friendly and respectful. He had recently located some of my possessions and we used the exchange as an excuse to meet for lunch. Upon his acceptance of our break-up being final, he engaged in another relationship within a matter of weeks. Within a few weeks of meeting, they were exclusive. And in less than three months, they had moved in together. While they had experienced their share of not-so-private problems throughout their relationship (he has a large, loud family that still interacts with mine), they had recently purchased a house together and now, at lunch, he told me that they planned to get married before the end of the year. Their wedding date would be nearly five months shy of their two year anniversary. While the reader may make a variety of assumptions about the timeframe of their relationship and subsequent quick engagement, I believe the most interesting part is the effort they appear to be contributing in trying to make the relationship “work”. He told stories of angry fights, packing bags and deeming it was “over” on more than one occasion. He told of tearful reunions and promises of change. And, he told of regular visits to a couples’ therapist, beginning only a few months into the relationship. My immediate and not-so-silent reaction was that the relationship appeared to be requiring far too much effort at such an early point. In addition, was something on such unstable ground truly sustainable???

As a lover of flowers, I like to think of a relationship as a flower seed: a seed gets planted in the soil and this is the equivalent to meeting someone new and having those first few dates… at that point, it’s established that there is an attraction, likely on a few different levels: intellectual, physical and perhaps even emotional or spiritual. It is at this point that, if both parties are interested, that the seed begins to sprout. A few tiny sprouts that, if cultivated successfully, have the potential to grow into a solid, robust plant. In a new relationship, that nurturing can be as fundamental as planning fun activities to do together… or maybe a thoughtful “surprise” text or phone call … it may be seeing a movie or trying a restaurant that the other person can’t wait to see or visit…it may be less tangible like a quick affectionate touch, feeding the person a bite of food or simply seeking to understand his/her unique perspective on the world. It is the combination of this stuff that serves as the water, food and sunshine fostering the seed to push above ground and eventually, with care and attention, to possibly turn into a beautiful flowering plant. And even as the seed grows, inching above the soil, demonstrating some strength and potential for longevity, the growing plant still must be thoughtfully cared for… in fact, it is especially at this delicate stage that the seed requires consideration. If left unattended – without a delicate and regular combination of water, food and sunshine – it can simply give out unexpectedly leaving us to wonder what went wrong and whether there is any hope for revival.

The question is this though: at what point does the cultivation become too much “work”?? Where do we draw the line and acknowledge that the seed is simply requiring too much from us?


Honey and Lemon: I suspect that sometimes we want things to come to us a bit too easy. But, I also suspect that when we mistake “easy” for meaning that no effort or energy is required, we may miss out on an amazing garden that simply takes some time and patience to cultivate. I think the “honey” is the experience and insight to recognize the potential for a truly amazing flower blossom. In contrast, I think the toughest part is to recognize when a relationship begins (early on or even months or years into it) to require nurturing to the point that it takes away from the water, food and sunshine needed to sustain oneself. It is at this point, that we also must be honest and true in recognizing when the plant is simply unsustainable for perhaps more than a season or two (hmmm, is that an annual or perennial plant?? I don’t know but I think you get what I mean!).

Heart versus Head...

As an admittedly analytical person, I am the first to acknowledge that I often spend too much time in my head, over-thinking situations or trying to make logical sense of my feelings. In fact, this tendency to over-analyze was made glaringly apparent several years ago when I engaged in the process of examining and ultimately choosing to end my decade-long relationship.

In hindsight, what made the break-up such a long process what that I was initially negating what my heart (or intuition) was telling me. He and I had a "paper-perfect" relationship... meaning, that on paper, everything was ideal: common values, shared hobbies and interests, career compatibility and mutual respect. Accordingly, it took me two very long years to put my finger on why I was so terribly unhappy. In fact, at one point I even made an excel-style spreadsheet to analyze my relationship! I listed qualities and values I wanted in a life partner and assessed how present they were in my current relationship. Interestingly enough, I was unable to come to any conclusion about the relationship until I paused, breathed and simply listened to my heart. It was at that point that it all became crystal clear. It wasn't about a list or a logical reason. It was, quite simply, about acknowledging and honoring my feelings.

While I think living our most fulfilled life requires a balance of both, I know it is necessary for me to regularly make a concerted effort to tune into the "heart" piece of it... to simply check in with my feelings about something or someone. I suspect that, to some readers, this seems common sense and second nature. To those thinking that, I so admire you! And, to those pondering which words they will use in their next excel spreadsheet, assigning points and making lists, I ask you this: where does your intuition play into it all? And more importantly, how do you know when it is speaking to you? How do you truly honor it??

Lemon: Brain-only, over-analysis = more analysis and often paralysis for me.

Honey: Continuing to seek that delicate balance between heart and head is key for me... listening to my intuition and yet, still allowing logic to factor into it all...

Safe Harbor...

My parents are avid boaters and after spending several summer weekends with them, I learned the concept of what I call a "safe harbor". In the Pacific Northwest, there are hundreds of island and coastal bays in which to anchor one's boat. And sometimes, it can be a bit of a rough ride in between them. So, after a day of being bounced around in the waves and wind, using excessive fuel and energy just to keep moving in the desired direction, it is absolutely blissful to happen upon a quiet little inlet that has very little movement and ideal ground to drop anchor.

When a spot like this was located, my family would often choose to spend several days there knowing that we would venture out again at some point but wanting to enjoy - for just a little while - the calm quiet that existed in the peaceful little bay. Now, I suspect if you interviewed any boater in this scenario, he or she would insist that given the choice, he or she would not want to remain anchored there forever. But rather, it simply served as a safe locale to pause and catch one's breath for a moment or two.

I recently had brunch with an old friend and she described the relationship with a man she had been dating for over a year and I immediately thought of the "safe harbor" concept. She explained that while she was anxious to buy a home, marry and start a family, she was absolutely certain that her current boyfriend was not someone she could see herself with long term. She continued to say that they had dramatically different life goals and vision but that he was great "right now". She told of her previous dating horror stories and how she was just so pleased to "take a break" for a bit and step off of the dating merry-go-round. As she talked, I couldn't help but think of her boyfriend as a "safe harbor" - great for a year, maybe two, but definitely not a permanent place to stay.

So readers, have you done the same in your relationships? It is inevitable that by our late twenties/early thirties, we have often spent years dating and sometimes we are just exhausted?! To that point, do we sometimes temporarily anchor ourselves in a safe harbor in an effort to just pause and catch our breath for a minute, fully knowing the person is not someone we intend to spend too long with? And furthermore, so what if we do? Should we drop anchor only where we expect we might want to stay in that bay forever? What do you think?

Honey: I suspect we can learn and grow a great deal in any relationship (well, and have some fun too!), regardless of the length or long-term potential...

Lemon: I can't help but feel like it is a little bit counterproductive to contribute time and energy to something that is not aligned with a bigger goal... For example, I know I want a life partner that loves to travel and share the experience of exploration with me, so wouldn't I - hypothetically - be "wasting" my time by dating someone (even for a week or month) that doesn't enjoy travel and adventure?? For me, I think I would be...

That Darn Text Messaging...

As described in the recent response to my last post, texting is all-to-often thought of as a terribly frustrating dating "tool". While the majority of my female friends agree that texting can be useful, the caveat is that it should only serve as a supplement - not a replacement - to verbal communication. While often touted as fast, convenient and sometimes even sexy or flirtatious (most of us have received a super-hot "sextext" at least once, right?). Text messages can also be painfully vague and ambiguous... leaving the receiver to squirm in minutes (okay, sometimes hours...or even days) of confusion, followed by excruciating over-analysis. And, alas, texts can even remove the oh-so-human, personal touch of something that should truly be communicated only in person.

This point was made painfully clear to me with one of the first men I dated when I became single. His name was Chris and he was an artsy, intellectual film editor. He knew all the hippest hippster spots to go in his funky neighborhood, including a tiki-style lounge that we both ended up at with friends one evening. He approached me as I sat at the bar with my girlfriend. He explained he had just stopped in for a quick beer before heading off to rehearse with his garage band and after apologizing for the interruption, he went on to explain that he just had to tell me that I was the "absolute most beautiful woman" in the entire bar. Call me a sucker, but that line worked like a charm! We had our first date lined up before he finished his last swig of beer. From there, we proceeded to date regularly for the next six weeks... local bands, music festivals, funky, eclectic restaurants and art exhibits. We quickly got into a routine of spending our Saturday evenings together. So, when I had not heard from him by Thursday one week, I left a voice message offering to make a reservation at a restaurant we'd discussed visiting. When I still didn't hear from him on Friday, I assumed he was simply busy and we would connect on Saturday... Then, when I didn't hear from him on Saturday mid-morning, I called again and left another voicemail (yes, yes, I know what you must be thinking but please remember that this was only the second guy I had dating after a decade-long relationship!)... It was nearly midnight on Saturday when Chris finally texted the following message: "sorry 4 not calling, too much sh*t happnin right now". Upon reading it the next morning, I immediately called my closest single male friend, Matt, to help me decipher the puzzle. Matt bluntly explained that, in his opinion, Chris did not have any earth-shattering "sh*t" happening....that if he did, and it was indeed the reason he couldn't see me, he would have shared it in detail with me... ON THE TELEPHONE. As well, Matt pointed out that the fact that Chris texted at midnight, likely meaning that he did still want to see me but only in a "booty call" capacity from this point forward... meaning limited public outtings, no more meals and only late night weekend text communication. As I slowly nodded my head, attempting to comprehend this foreign perspective, I asked my friend Matt one final question: would it be appropriate for me to at least respond to him - if only for closure - and simply tell him I was sorry he felt that way, it was nice to meet him and perhaps wish him well??? Matt's answer was a firm and resounding "NO."

Question to my readers... What is the most offensive, disappointing or misunderstood text you have ever received???


Honey: Good ol' interactive verbal communication...for the sweet, kind and good as well as even the painfully tough stuff!

What Now?

Well, it has been nearly two months since our first date and while still very early in "relationship time", Paul (that's right, the guy from Speed Dating!) continues to be someone I very much enjoy spending time with and getting to know. We have wined and dined, shopped, cooked, attended events and are currently in the midst of planning our first weekend away together. While the first months of our dating life have provided plenty of rich content with which to populate my blog, my wish is not to make this a journal for the inevitable ups and downs of my relationship, but rather to create a more interactive forum focused upon the topics of dating and relationships in general.

As I have recounted tales of Paul's courting behavior, I have had several single girlfriends tell me that his conduct serves as a meaningful reminder to them. A reminder that guys like him do still exist. And a reminder to not accept those first dates from guys that text 10 minutes before they want to go out and then, have no idea where to go or what to do! And here's the deal: what Paul has done (and continues to do) is really not all that difficult and sadly, it shouldn't be that unusual. BUT (and I hope all the guys reading this are paying attention), his dating behavior is indeed rare and, quite obviously, sincerely appreciated by more women than just me.

What is this mysterious behavior, you ask? Well, quite simply, it is treating the woman as if you really would like to take her out. It is having respect for her and her time. There is no magic formula but it can be as basic as: calling rather than texting; as having a plan - suggesting activities, bar/restaurants (and even making a reservation!); offering to drive (even if she lives six - or even ten - miles away!); opening the car door (and that restaurant/bar door too!)... It is these seemingly small actions that make us feel a little bit extra special and as if you actually want to spend time with us.

So I now invite you, the reader, to share your stories... the "best of's..." as well as those "worst of's...". What's your best first date story? And what about your most disappointing first date?

Rethinking my Speed Dating Experience...

It seems that I may have prematurely determined that I felt no chemistry with one of my speed dating candidates… Out of the twelve guys I met, I did actually indicate on my dating card that I was interested in one of them - Paul. During the six minute “date”, I wasn’t entirely sure that we connected but I was physically attracted to him and he appeared to be intelligent and have a good sense of humor. In addition, he and his buddy stayed after the formal event was over to chat with my girlfriend and me. At that time, I didn’t really think he was specifically interested in me, but the four of us seemed to have a good rapport, lots of laughter and we easily finished off the last of the wines from the tasting event.

It was two days later when I received an email that we had both selected one another as potential matches. The email provided one another’s contact information and I received a "nice to have met you" email from him three days later. From there we began a witty banter between several email exchanges before deciding on a date to meet. Upon confirmation of a timeframe - “Sunday late afternoon/early evening” – he offered a variety of impressively creative suggestions including: (1) attendance at a local sporting event, (2) a walk and casual dinner in his waterfront neighborhood, (3) coming to my neighborhood or (4) taking his convertible for a drive to watch the sunset and dine at a cozy Mediterranean restaurant along the coastline. I am a sucker for convertibles and great sunsets so it was a no-brainer, I easily chose option #4.

We met in his neighborhood at 6pm, jumped into his convertible and embarked on a near-perfect Sunday afternoon drive along the gorgeous coastline. Our interaction immediately felt easy and very natural. Upon arrival to the restaurant, the bartender provided our first glasses of wine in paper cups so we could take them to the beach to watch the waves and sunset. Our dinner reservation was for 7pm but it was a bit past the hour when we returned to the restaurant. Paul was not only attractive as well as charming with his quick wit and sarcastic humor but was also a traditional gentleman, holding doors and even locating a napkin to clean the sand off of the heels of my shoes as we returned from the beach.

Upon being seated, we ordered a bottle of wine and an appetizer, then continued our conversation. We enthusiastically discussed topics such as our favorite vacation spots, most interesting neighborhoods, spirituality, elementary school pranks and the latest New York Times bestseller – the content was varied and entertaining. It felt like thirty minutes may have passed when the waiter tentatively approached our table and apologetically asked if we would mind placing the orders for our entrées as the kitchen was closing in five minutes – at 10PM! We quickly made our menu selections and later acknowledged that we hardly remembered eating our food because we were talking and laughing so much. We took our final bites of the crème brulee as the last employees were turning off the lights in the surrounding dining spaces. Our drive back along the water was again full of engaging conversation. In total, our date lasted nearly eight hours and as I left, I could hardly wait to see him again.


Lemon: hmmm, this is a tough one… still pondering the downside of what appears to be a great connection…

Honey: It is nearly impossible to fake, fairly rare and so rewarding to connect with someone in meaningful conversation past the obligatory “cocktail chatter”. Truly fulfilling dialogue requires a fine balance between listening, asking questions and contributing information… in this case, the balance felt effortless.

Text or call...does it really matter??

Kelly and I used to live in the same city. She moved nearly two years ago and now, when she visits for work, we always fiercely protect one evening just for the two of us -foodies at heart - to try the newest restaurant and, of course, catch up… So, when Nick approached us at the bar of my local neighborhood pub, Kelly and I were completely engrossed in a post-dinner conversation and could not have been more disinterested in meeting anyone. When he introduced himself, I even gave him my faux “bar name”. However, Nick was persistent…asking what the unique beverage was that we were drinking (a nightcap of Frangelico), where we were from and sharing that he was meeting his college-aged sister for cocktails and catch up. His sister soon arrived and he excused himself. Flash forward an hour and he was back at the bar, paying his bill and making small talk with us while he waited. As he apologized for interrupting us, acknowledging that it looked as if we were engaged in a serious discussion, I think we both began to realize he was quite attractive, charming and actually seemed to be a sincerely nice person. As he gave us each his business card, explaining he was new in the neighborhood and would love to meet up for drinks sometime, I fessed up, admitting my real name and apologizing for the lie. He simply laughed it off as his sister joined him at the bar and he politely introduced her before bidding us farewell.

I emailed him a few days later apologizing again for the faux name. He then used the phone number provided in my automatic signature to call me and ask me to meet him for drinks. Now, as many single women can attest, the mere ability (and choice, mind you) to use a telephone number to call, rather than to simply text message someone, is often a near-instant cause for rejoice and celebration! He was IN! There was absolutely no way I would miss going out with this seemingly all-too-rare man that not only was attentive enough to notice the phone number but also used it… to CALL - a rare gem indeed!

We met at another neighborhood haunt, this one equipped with a lounge-y patio area and a live jazz band. It was just loud enough to provide comfort for any lags in conversation and yet quiet enough to easily chat. Conversation was easy and I was even more attracted to him than before. He was smart, witty and attentive. As a hobby musician, he knew some of the band members and politely introduced me to them at a break in the set. In addition, it seems we found several common interests, including a love of hole-in-the-wall bars, great espresso and unique cheeses!

He texted the following morning, telling me how much he’d enjoyed our time together. In this case, I was more than happy to simply receive a text. However, in the week following, our sole communication has continued to be in the form of text-only, both to check in as well as to set up our next date. Perhaps I am being a bit old-fashioned here, but is it too much to expect someone to actually call when arranging future plans??

Honey: This date was a pleasant reminder of what it is like to be pursued by someone: boy meets girl, boy calls girl, boy asks girl out, boy and girl go out and have fun…truly nice!

Lemon: Post-date text-only communiqué…

Will a six-minute date really lead to love???

I’ve always been curious about speed dating so when my friend, Sarah asked me to join her on a “wine tasting and speed dating” event, I happily accepted. Then as the event inched closer, Sarah and I began to call, text and email each other with our growing (and perhaps slightly unrealistic) concerns, all while simultaneously trying to remind ourselves of the great benefits of meeting new people AND trying new wines. We nervously wondered if anyone would show up at all…and if they did show up, would they all be too old… too young… socially awkward or worse yet… serial killers???

Sarah and I sat in my parked car before the actual event, contemplating an alternative plan (as it turned out, the classy wine tasting venue appeared to be a section of a warehouse-sized liquor store). While in the parking lot, we attempted to discretely assess the quality of men that were entering the store. Our anxiety grew as we endeavored to determine if the cane-using, cardigan-wearing grandfatherly types were just entering the store to buy a bottle of alcohol or actually seeking to meet us.

After serious consideration of abandoning the event altogether, we pep-talked, rationalized and rallied one another to enter the boxy building. Upon entry, we were directed to a dark corner tucked behind a massive tequila display. Surprisingly, the corner housed a charming Western-themed nook, lined with wooden bar stools, a faux bar and even a shingled rooftop. We grabbed a wine glass, name tag, notepad and took our assigned spots (the men would move every six minutes to a new person while the women stayed seated). The wine tasting began and shortly after, so did our first six-minute “date”. After a few sips of wine and nervous laughs, the conversation began to flow and surprisingly, I found I was actually enjoying myself! The event involved multiple tastings of various varietals of wine and a total of twelve six-minute dates. While it was quickly apparent that six minutes could easily feel like six hours with some of the men, the overall evening yielded several unexpectedly insightful conversations and a good dose of sincere laughter.


Lemon: While the general demographics of the men where within my desired education, profession and age range, I did not feel chemistry with any of them…

Honey: Risks pay off! After all the fretting and worrying, the overall evening was really quite fun…I socialized with many new people, learned about some interesting hobbies, skills and professions AND tasted some really good wine as well! And heck, if dating is a numbers game, then my numbers are most certainly increasing!

Passenger Seat or Driver??

I met Jeremy several months ago at a mutual friend’s cocktail party and we immediately hit it off… he was intelligent, witty and perfectly sarcastic. After an evening of chatting over cocktails and appetizers, we exchanged business cards and emailed for a few weeks before he suggested we “hang out sometime”. At that point, I suggested some dates and times that I was available, none of which seemed to fit with his schedule. A few weeks later he sent another email, inquiring about my schedule. This time, I simply provided my phone number and suggested he call to discuss. He called a week later. After an hour-long conversation, I was reminded why I had kept in touch with this guy for so many weeks – conversation easily flowed, we laughed a lot and he really seemed to listen and thoughtfully respond to my comments. After a few awkward questions about whether I would like to actually hang out in person (ummm, yeah…duh!), we finally settled on a date to “hang out”.

The date itself was terrific - a day visit to a much-anticipated museum exhibit as well as afternoon cocktails, followed by a lovely dinner. The entire event was extremely well planned. In fact, I even caught a glimpse of a computer-printed sheet of paper listing the names and addresses of all locations we would be visiting, starting with my home address and time of pick-up (Jeremy immediately got points for being very well organized!). He also brought bottled water and sunscreen as much of the day included outdoor gardens. Being together was comfortable, easy and fun. He even referenced future activities that we might enjoy together as well. The date ended with Jeremy very gentlemanly walking me to my door, inquiring whether I really, “honestly” had a good time, a quick hug and an immediate departure back to his car.

It has now been five weeks since our first date. At his initiation, several emails have been exchanged, each commenting on how much fun we had on our date. He even texted me one evening to inquire what I was “up to”… I responded that I was out with our mutual friend and he replied that he was visiting his family several hours away...okay… Our most recent email exchange was an email from him “touching base” and once again, suggesting we “should hang out again soon”...


Lemons: While I truly appreciate Jeremy’s thoughtful planning and respectful approach to our date, I cannot ignore his obvious hesitation. To use a car analogy, I don’t mind driving but definitely hope to swap seats every now and then. I tend to think that being tentative in something like simply initiating a second date may also indicate a tendency to be tentative in even more important topics in the future such as asserting one’s opinion, feelings or initiating discussions on difficult topics. Agree or disagree??

The Worst First

Someone recently asked me to recall my worst first date… While there are several that could compete for second place, there is a clear winner for “The Worst”.

I initially met Lucio (sounds exotic, doesn’t it? Well, he was actually a pale, freckled, red-headed, self-described “almost-half Italian” New Yorker) in broad daylight on a busy street. I had recently purchased a fantastic new sundress that made me feel like a movie star. Its inauguration was a simple dinner with girlfriends. I arrived to the restaurant early and wandered the busy street, browsing in several boutiques. As I was standing just inside the door of one shop, I saw a man walk by the storefront, look in, then back up and enter the shop, walking directly toward me. He apologized for “bothering me” but said he just had to ask if I was an actress (ah, the dress was working!)… He continued to explain that he had done a lot of theater work in New York and was certain he had worked with me before on stage. While this was possibly the cheesiest pick-up line I had ever heard, we chatted a bit and he was actually funny and seemed like a fairly nice guy. He explained he was in the process of launching a theater company in my town and asked for my email address so he could add me to the mailing list. I produced a business card and we said goodbye.

A few days later, Lucio called me at work to inquire if I wanted to be spontaneous and join him for an afternoon iced tea after walking his dog at the local park. I was unavailable and while I was not initially attracted to him, I appreciated his creativity and in the name of giving someone a chance, I agreed to meet him for a cocktail later in the week.

We agreed on a popular happy hour venue located between each of our homes. I had advised that I had dinner plans later in the evening but could briefly meet for one drink. I began to think the time would be very brief indeed when he called to confirm, told me he hadn’t been able to stop thinking of me and asked if I had told my mother about him yet…not so funny. As I arrived at the bar, I received a phone call from Lucio telling me he was running late and would be there shortly. He then told me that he was nearly 12 blocks away and that he was walking!

When he finally arrived, dripping in sweat, in a stained t-shirt, shorts and flip flop sandals, he decided the first bar was too fancy and that we should go next door instead (I will spare the details but this happened two more times before we settled on an empty, well air-conditioned sushi restaurant several blocks from our original venue). The host seated us and as I slid into my side of the booth, he squeezed in next to me – on the same side! Seeing what I am sure was a horrified look on my face, he explained that he just wanted to be close enough so we could talk and get to know each other (really?!).

While I give him credit for asking, um… thoughtful questions, when coupled with the close proximity, a continually sweating brow (he used several cocktail napkins to try to sop up the sweat) they felt invasive, bordering on inappropriate. After dodging multiple questions about my relationship background and parents’ relationship dynamics, I politely inquired about his family, specifically if he had siblings. He immediately launched into a story of being with his family at the Jersey Shore a few years before when his brother suddenly experienced a massive heart attack and died instantly. He went on at length to reminisce about their childhood, all while getting more and more emotional. I wasn’t sure whether to feel pity that he chose to focus on such a sad (and sadly inappropriate!) first date story or to feel doubt that it was even a true story. As he used the few remaining napkins to dry his tears, I decide I really didn’t want to know. I quickly downed the remainder of my cocktail, suddenly “noticed” the late hour and rushed to meet my dinner date which, by the way, was take-out Thai food and a movie, alone on my couch...the best part of my evening.

Honey: Courage to approach a stranger, creativity in dating ideas
Lemons: Just too many to list on this one!

Best of the Best??

My favorite airport wine bar is at Sea-Tac Airport in Seattle. I found it a couple of years ago, seeking a relaxing glass of wine between connections and have since attempted to make it part of my trip anytime I’m there – it’s a refuge from the chaos, complete with a cheese menu and an impressive wine list. Several months ago, I sampled a flight of three whites. Upon finishing the tasting, I selected a clear favorite – a 2005 Italian pinot grigio - and ordered a glass. At that time, it seemed to be the absolutely best pinot grigio I had ever tasted. The coasters are specific to each wine, providing the varietal, vintage and tasting notes. I carefully tucked my coaster away, willing myself to remember to search for the wine in my local wine shop.

A few months later, I found myself again between flights at Sea-Tac, near giddiness at the opportunity to visit “my spot” again. After rummaging through my wallet, I uncovered the crumpled coaster and proudly placed my wine order by displaying it for the server. The anticipation was delicious as I anxiously awaited the first few sips. However, when it arrived, the first sip was absolutely nothing like I had remembered! It was a bit sharp, slightly acidic and seemed to have a medicinal quality to its finish. It was far from the magic I had enthusiastically expected. Upon confirmation that it was indeed the same exact wine and was a perfectly healthy bottle, the questions began to form in my mind… Had I simply adored it the first time because it was the “best” compared to the other available choices? Additionally, had I liked it the first time but then made it so much bigger and better in my mind that there was no way it could ever possibly live up to my exceedingly high expectations? And slightly more concerning, am I doing the same thing with the guy I recently met???

Ryan and I met several weeks ago and due to being unable to coordinate schedules (both of us travel extensively for work), we have talked on the phone but have not yet scheduled our first official date. I met him on a flight, while stranded in the middle seat, surrounded by an adolescent Girl Scout troop going on their first plane ride. He was a calm island in a sea of noise and chaos. I couldn’t help but wonder though: was he like the 2005 Italian pinot grigio? Did I find him so witty, so brilliant and so attractive simply because of the surroundings in which we met? Furthermore, was I building him up to be even better - larger than life, really - the longer we waited to schedule our date??

Honey or Lemon?? In my quest to define my Honey and Lemons, isn’t it part of my mission to aim for objectivity (as much as the heart allows) in defining my H&L’s, rather than just selecting the “best guy on the airplane”??

Dit Voor Dat...

I was taught the term "dit voor dat" by my Dutch friends. It has been loosely translated to several English phrases but most accurately means, "this for that". Mark was not Dutch but shared the Dutch affection for Heineken and the royal color of orange as well as what turned out to be a very strong belief in the "dit voor dat" mentality.

Mark and I met online and enjoyed our first in-person meeting over margaritas at a Mexican cantina in my neighborhood. It was spontaneous - he called after having a business dinner nearby and offered to meet wherever I was most comfortable. There was an instant attraction, conversation was easy and he was a traditional gentleman by insisting to pay the bill, pulling out my chair, opening doors and offering to walk me home.

Things started to shift on our second date when Mark called to advise me he had procured dinner reservations at a popular Italian restaurant near his home. When I asked what time, he suggested I leave early to allow enough time for traffic as the restaurant was very firm on their assigned reservation times. Confused, I inquired if we were meeting at the restaurant and he replied that no, we would simply meet at his home as it was easier to take one car to the restaurant. He then went on to explain that he would come pick me up but the restaurant was so close to his home that it simply didn't make sense. Please note that our homes were exactly 4.2 miles apart (yes, I measured it!).

Over dinner, we recounted childhood stories of minor mischief, college stories of greater mischief and adult stories of dating nightmares. We found a lot in common - shared similar backgrounds and a sarcastic sense of humor. In hindsight, it was because of these commonalities that I overlooked the tranportation challenges. At the end of the evening, we selected a date for our next encounter but did not discuss details.

Two days before Date #3, I received a text message from Mark advising me that it was now my turn to plan and that he would be awaiting instructions. Ever the optimist, I embraced an opportunity to be creative and made reservations at a local Ethiopian restaurant, known for it's authentic cuisine and atmosphere. On the afternoon of our date, I texted a teaser about "traveling to North Africa" and received an immediate reply back reminding me that he had previously mentioned (really?) he did not like any Indian or Africa food (bit of a broad scope for a world traveler, isn't it?). I bit my tongue (or rather my texting finger in this case) and made reservations at a trendy North American "tapa" bar. I also suggested he drive as the restaurant was in my neighborhood this time.

Things were tense from the start of the evening. And, over the first few sips of pre-dinner cocktails, he broached the topic. He explained that he felt as if I was not contributing enough to the "relationship" (relationship? uh, this was date #3, right?). He proceeded to compare, point by point, everything he had "contributed" on our previous two dates. This list included items such as: "calling to make the reservation" and "walking to the bar to order two more drinks". Furthermore, he felt as if I was insensitive to his preferences by even suggesting Ethiopian food and was even more disappointed that my second restaurant choice was so conveniently located near my home, an obvious inconvenience for him to easily reach. Needless to say, there was no meal that evening... Several days later, I received a text message from him suggesting we should "talk about it". I cannot share here exactly what I responded with, but I assure you, it affirmed that I would make no further "contributions" to the "relationship".

Lemons: While I believe fairness and mutual contribution are foundations for a fulfilling relationship, I do not believe that keeping a running tally of "points earned" is the key to tracking one's commitment.

Is there a doctor in the house?

It just might be the most expensive and painful thing that’s led to my meeting of an eligible bachelor… It had all started on a business trip in Atlanta. I developed a seemingly mild skin infection on my leg, consulted my doctor when I arrived home, began taking antibiotics and headed out on another business trip. After four days of medicine and no improvement, my close friend, a nurse, advised me via phone that yes, I did indeed need to consult another doctor. I was working long days on my feet - this time in Boston - and it was painful to stand, let alone walk.

My hotel furnished me with a business card for a group of emergency room physicians that provided on-call services. When there was a knock on my door a few hours later, a young, attractive doctor introduced himself as “Dr. Simpson”. One quick check of his ring finger confirmed that he appeared to be - at least legally - single. I would be lying if I said I didn’t notice his Diesel brand jeans (I’m a sucker for a hot pair of jeans!) or his trendy shoes. In fact, I think my initial attraction to him led to my blood pressure being significantly higher than its usual low numbers.

He was polished, professional and business-like at all times. He offered his personal cell number and promised to check on me the following day. In fact, he even gave me a ride to the local pharmacy that evening. What ensued were several days of a very painful leg infection that was well-monitored with daily calls and follow up from Dr. Simpson who at one point, asked that I just call him “Kris.” While there were a few comments and text messages that could have been loosely construed as flirting, I was unsure as to whether Kris was actually intending to flirt but nonetheless, I was very grateful for his attentiveness.

The medical highlight (or rather, lowlight) of the week was an obligatory visit to the emergency room to rule out a blood clot and to receive intravenous antibiotics. Upon arrival, I met Kris’ colleague who advised me that not only was Dr. Simpson “very concerned” about me but also that he was “a really good guy”… Could it be? I thought. Could this colleague be promoting his friend to me??? While sitting in the noisy ER with an IV needle in my arm, I did what any wise single woman would have done and texted the good looking doctor to inquire if he would like to have a drink, pending my release from the hospital. I felt like his affirmative response was the confirmation that our attraction was mutual (he later told me that my text was the ‘green light’ for him as well). Little did the attending physician know that I was resisting being admitted to the hospital not only because of my work meeting the following day, but even more importantly, due to my pending date with Kris, her colleague!

It was that evening, after a quick shower to refresh (had to scrub that dried blood off of my hand from the IV after all!), that we had our first official “date”. I extended my stay through the weekend to recuperate at a friend’s home and while Kris was going to be out of town for much of the weekend, we remained in touch via phone and made plans to see each other my final night in the area. Our date that final evening was all-too-short although I suspect that a week would not have felt like enough time. My attraction to him was not only physical but also emotional and intellectual.

While we kept in contact for a while, proximity and convenience won out and we eventually agreed that a long-distance relationship was not feasible for either of our current lifestyles. Albeit brief, the experience not only made an unpleasant medical problem more tolerable but more importantly, it also reminded me of what it feels like to be attracted to someone on so many levels…and you know what? It feels really good.

Honey: A man who is well-educated, knowledgeable and passionate about his work is a must-have for me.

Did someone say "communication"???

Ivan and I first met at a hotel bar near his home. We had met online the previous week and with a busy week of working out of several offices, we agreed to meet on the day I was working near his neighborhood. He was casually dressed in jeans, a faded t-shirt and running shoes but was attractive and very witty. We enjoyed one beverage before we both had to leave for previously scheduled dinner plans. He called the following day to invite me to a movie and drinks the following weekend. While Date #2 met all of the basic date criteria, it concluded with me feeling like we knew each other little more than after our initial meeting. After the movie we had gone for exactly one drink as he needed “to be fresh for an early morning meeting”. And, he had gulped that one drink down in less than ten minutes! Accordingly, our conversation was brief and superficial in nature. I hoped that Date #3 would yield a conversation breakthrough… until he suggested another movie. This time, he requested that I come to his home and we go from there. When I arrived at his home, I was anticipating a jaunt to a local theater but he suggested we watch a movie at his place (umm, okay, this was starting to feel a bit like a boy in college trying to make out…). I wanted to be (or at least appear to be) spontaneous and ever-flexible and thus, I agreed. He asked me to view the bookcase of movies and pick something I liked. When I finally selected three possible titles, he advised me that he had actually seen them all and suggested we select one from the “pay per view” list (ummm, okay… so why’d he even ask me to look at the bookcase? Did he not already know he’d likely seen all of his own movies??).

It went downhill from there… it seems the television screen in the living room was “too small” so he suggested we watch the movie in his bedroom. We watched a three-hour epic sitting on his bed, with our backs propped against the wall, drinking rum and cokes and feeling like I was back in high school. He tried to make “a move” a couple of times but I made it clear that I was extremely interested in following every, little detail of the storyline. At the end of the movie, I made an explanation of having to be up early the next morning and quickly made my escape with a quick peck on the cheek. Three strikes and you’re OUT! Emotionally stunted? Perhaps. Painfully anti-social? Maybe. Not the one for me? Definitely.

Lemons: I am a social being. I like to talk and I like to listen. Meaningful dialogue is extremely important to me. Ivan taught me that I cannot date someone who is unable or unwilling to share of oneself and get to know me in the same manner. Seems like normal adult human interaction, doesn’t it?!

Hungry Girl

I met Jeff at a local pub while waiting in line for beer and listening to 80’s tunes on the juke box. In fact, his friend and I were actually hitting it off quite well…that is, until his friend found himself too drunk to stand in line any longer. Enter Jeff. Initially, I wasn’t really all that attracted to him physically, but he was smart, funny and very entertaining. So, I agreed to go out with him. The first date was billed as “dinner and a comedy club”. We arrived with plenty of time to spare, grabbed our tickets and proceeded to a charming Italian restaurant down the street. We ordered cocktails and perused the menu. After the waiter took my order for a chicken and sundried tomato penne entree, Jeff advised him that he was simply “good with just the wine”. He then explained to me that he had been obese as an adolescent and young adult. And, after losing nearly one hundred pounds by limiting his daily intake to a two liter container of diet soda, he found that he could now only eat one meal a day to maintain his weight loss. And, since he had eaten breakfast that day, he was done.

Now, I am average height and weight, but I must say, I LOVE MY FOOD. Eating is not only a necessity for nourishment, it is a social ritual that brings me great joy - to me, sharing a meal with someone is intimate, it fosters meaningful dialogue and is truly one of my favorite hobbies. And as I quickly learned that night with Jeff, it is just not the same when someone simply watches me eat.

Not wanting to be too quick to judge, I suggested for our next date that we go to dinner again but that this time, it be Jeff’s daily meal. He was game and I suggested my favorite sushi spot. He asked if he could order for both of us and I obliged. It is important to note that he ordered significantly less than what I order there when I am ALONE. And, when the petite, itsy-bitsy order arrived, he quickly ate his share and confidently announced how incredibly full he was! Again, I do not think I eat an abnormally large amount of food, but I am also not a dainty “oh I’m already full after one bite of lettuce” kind of gal either. However, in an effort to not appear like a great hungry hippo, I agreed at how filling the meal was. And then, I went home alone and made a sandwich… a really big sandwich. As you may guess, there was no Date #3 and heck, who knows…perhaps he is blogging somewhere today about me as “The REALLY Hungry Girl”!

Lemon: I want a man that shares my vision of a meal as a meaningful experience to share together. I want a man that eats...regularly. And, when he does eat, I want for him to eat as much or more than I do.

Intro

This month is my two year anniversary of moving to a new city and the official beginning of placing the checkmark in that little box indicating that I am “single”. When I arrived, I had just ended a decade-long relationship and was suddenly single, for the first time really, as an adult. This truth was simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying. The last time I dated was in college and really, was that even dating? In fact, I’m quite sure that attending a frat party because my roommate’s friend’s cousin’s brother lived there or drunk dialing that hot guy from my chem lab was indeed not dating. Now, in my mid-30’s, I didn’t quite know where to begin.

So, I’ve jumped in head first – I enthusiastically go to bars, parties and work-sponsored events. I ask friends to set me up and I've even ventured onto the plethora of online dating sites. Accordingly, I've begun dating and dating A LOT. While sometimes funny, occasionally embarrassing, all-too-often disappointing and at times even a little bit sad, I’ve noticed some common themes in the type of men I date. In fact, some weeks I've felt like I’m on a carnival ride that keeps passing the same familiar landmarks as it spins around, making me dizzy and a bit nauseous.

Then, a happily married colleague shared her story with me: she spent ten years – yep, you read that right: ONE WHOLE DECADE – dating. She explained that after a failed relationship, she began to approach dating very strategically. She believed that each date, good or bad, would at the very least yield insight into the qualities most important to her in a life partner. Throughout the process, she began compiling an actual handwritten list of her “Must Haves” as well as her “Dealbreakers”.

Now, I am not discounting chemistry or intuition here – I think both are of the utmost importance in life and certainly, in love – but as a natural-born list maker, I think this idea might be worth a shot. I don’t believe that there is a right or wrong answer to any of this and I fully recognize that nothing in life is simply black and white. But, after nearly two years on the same crazy carnival ride, I’m thinking: “What the heck??! Let’s give the list a try!”

And so begins my list of the "Honey" (this is that stuff that I really, really want in my world – it makes life just a little bit sweeter) and the "Lemons" (in contrast, while sometimes okay in small amounts, this is the stuff, when consistently present that just leaves my stomach a bit uneasy). While the content is accurate, the dates, times and locations are sometimes changed to protect the innocent (well, and in some cases, simply to keep my mother from guessing it’s me!). Oh, and don’t worry guys, I’ve changed your names too. My hope in writing this is for clarity and that perhaps, just maybe, my experience will inspire you too… not necessarily to make your own list, but rather not to settle into a relationship that is missing a key component of what you know you want and need for true fulfillment. Simply put, life is just too short to settle.